Get Over It
Last night, as I lay in bed unable to sleep it struck me that I’ve lost a few years along the way.
I can remember working in certain places and certain times, but not where I lived during those times.
I don’t remember how I got from life event A to life event B or how I ended up at life events past those.
It was a disconcerting realization.
I know that those were times of emotional trauma and transition, but I can’t recall much more than that.
Stuff happened…stuff I guess I got past, but never got over.
We occasionally have people come on these pages and adjure folks who have been traumatized in the church to “just get over it”.
They are to do this, of course, “in the power of the Holy Spirit”.
That’s what Christians are supposed to do.
There is some Scriptural validity to this admonition, of course.
“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 3:13–14 ESV)
The problem comes when you can’t forget…or you forget things you didn’t intend to.
Many of us in middle age or later are still subconsciously reacting to words and events that happened in our youth…those words and events have shaped our lives behind our eyes and through our souls.
We are vessels full of pain and shame and anger…and the Holy Spirit.
My word this morning is for those who haven’t got over it…who haven’t had a miraculous healing of the heart.
We may never get over it…but we can get through it, get past it, or maybe just get to a point where we can live with it.
Live…without our wounds dictating our circumstances.
What we can’t do is allow our ourselves to be defined by it.
We inch forward…and it’s easier when we do it together.
I need some company…
“I need some company…”
Ditto. You’re a great traveling companion.
You never make fun of my limp or deafness, you are patient when I mutter, and somehow you remain patient and lovable toward me and everyone else.
Standing right beside you.
My dear friend, you have a great deal of company in this…… me, for one and the many colorful characters of this blog family here….. Thank you for your continued transparency and writing skills. God bless you.
MTM’s Wiki was a reminder of how long I’ve journies with you, Michael.
I lived through all of this when my progressive pastor was pressured out by CCOF. Today is a couple days beyond when ChuckJr enunciated exactly where I was with him and most of us at CBC…
May 24, 2006
http://calvarychapel.pbworks.com/w/page/13146613/Chuck-Smith-Jr-Responds-to-CCOF
“Now to be perfectly honest, I haven’t belonged in the Calvary Chapel community for a long time. I identify with early Calvary Chapel (the culturally relevant, rock-n-roll worship, hippie church), but not as much with the institutionalized version today. I’ve stayed only because of my relationship to my father, whom I love and respect.
Calvary Chapel, as I perceive it is:
Fundamentalist–I am not
Dispensationalist–I am not
Anti-intellectualist (like the warning about not reading anything written by emergent leaders)–I am not
Primitivist–I am not
Officially, we have withdrawn from the Calvary Chapel affiliation, and for the very amicable reason that I (we) seek a breadth of relationships that CC is not willing to accommodate. For example, my close friendship with a Roman Catholic monk who died a few weeks ago. He was a wonderful person and spiritual mentor to me.”
7 years of my journey has been here, a spiritual community where I was allowed to at times be unlovely while I processed about the destruction of my pastor and church by Jackie Alnor, CCOF and the ODMs who don’t get it that christianity is wider and broader than they they are willing to imagine.
I see ChuckJr and others from time to time.
We all limp, with some of us it’s more pronounced than others.
Occasionally we laugh when we trip over our canes but there’s always compassion in the eyes of everyone when we see an unfamiliar face in a fresh cast.
“We may never get over it…but we can get through it, get past it, or maybe just get to a point where we can live with it.”
“Getting over it” may not be the goal. “Living with it” and taking it day by day may be more like it.
Maybe, whatever “it” is, has been allowed to occur to us in order that draw us closer to Him.
Yes, we are limping along here, comforting one another, laughing with one another, sometimes irritating one another, rubbing each other the wrong way, and sometimes smoothing out some rough places…yes we limp along together, but with Christ leading us, it is a “victorious limp!”
(giving Brennan Manning credit for “Victorious limp” phrase)
Thank you all for being part of my journey…and the journeys of the others who have traveled here with us.
I’m off to work…
Michael, great start for the day. Fortunately, we do get defined by the limp and the scars and you wear them well.
G~ We left Capo before that happened and learning how passionate and loving you are, this must have caused much pain to you.
As I read Michael’s post, I was reminded of David. It was through all of his battles and trials that he became known as the “sweet psalmist”. For some reason that we may never know while on earth, God allows His kids to travel a path sometimes that is full of pain. He loves us too much to give us the easy way all the time.
Wonderful words, Michael
Great heart of a pastor exampled in this article Michael. Yup, “get over it” sounds great. Just curious, why don’t some CC pastors “get over it” when they don’t like something? Seems they want blood and monetary damages…
Amen to G’s words above, especially #1, well said.
I have finally discovered that sometimes in life there are things we never do get over. period.. as you posted.. But it’s like Jacobs life long limp with a bad leg… He can always remember that was the time he came face to face with God
Alex,IMO, the ‘get over it’ theme is particular to a power differential. The ‘lower’ or ‘weaker’ one is instructed to ‘get over’ any offense that the ‘higher’ or ‘more powerful’ may have caused…. It is also a unintended painful ‘counsel’ from those who have not been similarly crushed and simple don’t ‘get it’……
Since its Easter week, and I like Bachs music, and the words….
“To be happy in Jesus’ life
is bright sunshine in our breasts.
To behold his Savior filled with consolation
and to build in himself a heavenly kingdom,
is the true possession of a Christian.
Yet since I have here a divine foretaste,
my spirit seeks here its pleasure and rest,
my Savior calls powerfully to me:
My grave and death brings you life,
my Resurrection is your consolation.
My mouth indeed will make an offering,
my Savior, yet how small,
how little, how completely insiginificant
will it be before You, o great Conqueror,
if I bring before You a song of triumph and thanks.
My eye beholds the Savior reawakened,
Death does not hold Him in its bonds.
– No eye beholds the Savior reawakened,
Death still holds Him in its bonds. –
What, does fear still arise in any breast?
– Can the grave indeed release the dead? –
If God lies in a grave,
then grave and death does not hold Him.
– Ah God! You who have conquered death,
the grave stone withdraws for You, the seal breaks,
I believe, but help my weakness,
You can make me stronger;
conquer me and my doubtful will,
the God who works wonders,
has strengthened my spirit through the power of comfort,
so that it beholds the resurrected Jesus.”
Bach “Rejoice, you hearts,” BMV 66
It rhymes in German 🙂
Wow, another bizarre CC case, this time in my back yard. In doing some online research as part of the process…stumbled upon another REALLY INTERESTING story that has very interesting implications…yowzers. Stay tuned…
I know I’m waiting with baited breath.
http://calvarychapelabuse.com/wordpress/?p=1896
I think it’s a great idea and could lead to an enhancement of the CC conflict resolution of “Vote with your feet!” Add this one element and maybe folks wont’ feel so cheated when they are shown the door with no recourse…
I see a Trend. Fascinating stuff.
the other story (among stories) I’m working on is a guy who a CC had arrested recently for “trespassing” who was trying to get some reconciliation/resolution and airing of his beefs…and a guy from CCCM who is having a major problem there. Sad stuff, but I’m sure many don’t care about those ground up in the Machine, part of the cost of doing business and creating a powerful Brand…
More bated breath there, Josh?
I’d say “get over it”…and “leave it to the Lord”…but that only applies to those you disagree with 🙂
Oh well, I guess it is always interesting to see who the next victim before the self appointed Grand Inquisitor is. Talk about blog drama.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g
If he/she floats
I’m with you on this Michael. Even if I happen to be in Tanzania at the moment, working. 🙂
What is bated breath, anyway? Is it bated, or baited? Origin?
What a strange phrase.
My take is my take. If you don’t like it, change the channel. “Vote with your mouse!” 🙂
bated….and it means waiting in anticipation
not sure of the origin
@ 25 – I’m very close.
About the tithe refund, anyone who thinks that is a good idea, hasn’t thought the idea through at all.
Oh yes, most mighty Inquisitor. Your very presence causes my inward parts to tremble in fear. Those heretics stand no chance against your mighty logic. I know that he weighs as much as a duck…
#27 That tithe thig is stupid and sounds like something an atheist would come up with.
*thing
“To moderate or restrain (a variation of “abate”): to bate one’s enthusiasm, and, “to lessen or diminish,” and “with bated breath – in a state of suspenseful anticipation.”
Ahhhh. 🙂
It’s the Josh and Derek Show, they’ve taken over the blog! DT, LOL on the “Might Inquisitor” stuff, that was funny 😆
Well enough of this joviality, #15 got it off topic. Proverbs 18:8 has some wise words for some who might hear.
Or people could just start with #15.
Here’s something on topic: Get over it 😉
Derek beat me to the punch. I’m gonna get back on topic:
I understand the gist of this post, but i define “getting over” something, a little different. I’m unable to forget things. I could recall with stunning detail events that occurred 30 years ago, and as I do, the pain will be just as real today as it was back then. But trust me, I am over it. Got over it a long time ago. I have forgiven, even though I no longer allow the offending parties access to my life. My life is full and abundant and beautiful. Totally “over it”.
So I think I would equate another sentence in this post, “What we can’t do is allow our ourselves to be defined by it.” with “Get over it.” Same thing in my book. The other thing that we tend to forget is that God is still there, even during the most painful of times. He uses even those times (though he doesn’t cause them) to build our lives. Therefore, the abuse that someone else inflicted on you can be embraced, not because the abuser is good, but because God can use even the most evil thing for good.
I know that I’m not supposed to live in bitterness or despair, but sometimes my idea of ‘getting over’ or ‘getting past’ might be going against God’s desire to see Him differently ‘from here’, where I wouldn’t have seen Him correctly unless I was ‘here’.
My desire for greener pastures might put me where I don’t see Him like I need to see Him. My battle is to know that seeing Him from where He wants me to see Him is good for me, would be pleasing for me and would be perfect for me if He has His way and I am changed by Him in the way I think. (Romans 12.2)
#36 Gold!
Josh said, “Therefore, the abuse that someone else inflicted on you can be embraced, not because the abuser is good, but because God can use even the most evil thing for good.”
Amen, all kidding aside. Agree with Derek, that was pure gold bro.
Whenever I am tempted to be angry with my kids (they can be naughty)…I am quickly reminded of what an inappropriate response does to a human being…and I respond in Grace. It’s made me a good Dad, the only thing I’m really really really go at, besides being an a-hole 🙂
#37 is good, too!
2 Timothy 4:14-16
Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm. May the Lord repay him according to his works. 15 You also must beware of him, for he has greatly resisted our words.
16 At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them.
If you forget you do better than Paul…these are his final written words.. He had wound from the past still with him, including those who failed him in his dark hours.. He didn’t hold it against them, but he remembered and reminded them
Your not alone
DeadManWalking has many wounds and I fight to keep then from turning to roots of bitterness
One good thing about loosing my short term memory I can watch reruns on TV for the first time time after time and my wife can’t remember why she was mad at me for a moment ago.
BTW most people who say get over it have not had the deep wounds of betrayal some of us have had to live with.
I would give anything for a delete button on my brain.. but then again after I deleted all the stuff I don’t want to remember there wouldn’t be much left, and I would not be the man I am today plus I have deleted to many things by mistake i might hit delete all
… all those things shape us and make us more like Christ. The easy hurts don’t have the transforming power that the deep wounds do, so maybe we are not suppose to get over it,
David didn’t get over it when his las words were words of getting even with Shimei .
there ain’t no easy way
Michael– great words today. Thank you. Don’t we share with Jesus and each other in the fellowship of suffering? It’s a club to which no one seeks admission, but we are grateful for our fellow members. Thank you for this forum.
Amen, Linnea!
J Duncan @ 42: “BTW most people who say get over it have not had the deep wounds of betrayal some of us have had to live with.”
I’m sick of hearing that BS on this blog. That’s a copout statement made by those who can’t “get over it”. Minimize someone else’s experience in order to justify your choice (and it is a choice, by the way) to NOT get over it.
Mark, sounds like you’re bitter about this particular issue…and need to “get over it” 😉
“it is a choice!”…ok, so get over it and don’t comment publicly on this issue. Leave it to the Lord and pray about it.
Grace is good this Holy Week.