Why Don’t You Go To Church?
According to the State of the Bible, released by the American Bible Society, nearly half of American Christians (45%) have not attended church in the past six months.
These are the most common reasons given:
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There is no value in attending.
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Churches have too many problems.
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I don’t have the time.
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I’m simply not interested.
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Churches ask for money too much.
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Church services are usually boring.
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Christian churches are irrelevant to the way I live.
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I don’t believe in God, or I am unsure that God exists.
The question before the house this morning…why don’t you?
Last church I went to the pastor was talking for about 30 minutes about people robbing God if they weren’t tithing, and I had taken an unbeliever which totally turned them off. Other times I’ve attended they’ve had women preachers and hyper emotionalism, and even what seemed to be like right on churches that I visited ended up being like little kingdoms of nepotism, so at this point, I would rather get together with two or three believers and just read the Bible together and talk about it, then to get into the churchianity business that I see the church for the most part has become.
It is a valid question, though perhaps not in the way it is often asked. When the American Bible Society reports that nearly half of American Christians have not attended church in six months, the instinct of many pastors and leaders is to say, “Why don’t you?” Yet notice how each of the responses shifts the weight of the matter.
No value in attending — This is not laziness but a theological claim. People are saying that the Church no longer mediates meaning or grace in their lives.
Churches have too many problems — This is not a scheduling conflict but a credibility issue.
No time / not interested — Here the Church is simply not compelling enough to draw people away from the press of daily life.
Too much talk of money / boring services / irrelevant teaching — These are not surface complaints; they indicate a disconnect between what the Church proclaims and what people actually experience in worship.
I don’t believe in God, or I am unsure — At the root, some simply no longer share the faith that once bound them to the community.
So, when we ask, “Why don’t you?” we must also recognize the mirror being held up to the church. It is not only about the absence of the faithful, but about the failure of the Church to embody what it claims: a community where the living Christ is encountered, where sins are confessed and grace received, where worship is more than entertainment, and where relevance is not defined by cultural trends but by deep engagement with the human condition.
The question is valid because it presses both directions: Why don’t people attend? The question also presses us to ask why the Church doesn’t give them reason to attend…
The franchise mindset of many churches is a no-go for me, coupled with nepotism, professional staff does all the work/decision-making, and a very low glass ceiling for those who wish to serve. I’ve been gone for a lot longer than six months, but visit a church or two occasionally. The deep wounds to myself and more so my kids is a lasting issue. I recognize that an apology or accountability is a ship that never sailed, nor will, but the on-going lack of mindfulness to errors, unwillingness to own systemic faults, and blame-the-victim processes continue to hamper my willingness to expose myself to those harms again.
oh, and I’m not complementarian in view point and hardly any evangelical churches are egalitarian.
I talk to a lot of unchurched Christians and the reasons are all over the place.
Many of them have never been church attenders to begin with.
I would proffer that when Duane and I discuss what a church is and its purpose…what we are talking about is something utterly foreign to many Christians.
I think we would begin by describing it as a family…
Just gonna ramble here a bit…
So thinking about the people I know in real life- neighbors, family members, friends, etc.- who claim to be Christians, I have to say that the main reason they quit their churches is laziness and a lack of regard for God… and pride.
One relative who was quite devout in their chosen denomination quit because the summer schedule was inconvenient. That was ten years ago and they haven’t been back since.
Two women I know quit church because they gained weight and were embarrassed to be seen.
One relative just imagines people will make fun of him, for reasons that are unclear.
Two other relatives became unbelievers.
One neighbor claims he’s a Christian but has never darked the door of a church the entire time we’ve known him.
Another neighbor family claims to be Christians but evidentially don’t see any value in getting up and going to services.
When I try to urge people to get up, put on their shoes and go to church they shrug their shoulders as if to say “What’s t he point?”
Add to that, since COVID many many people are reluctant to leave their homes as a kind of national agoraphobia seems to have set in.
Personally, I came to see that evangelicalism no longer helped me conform to the Image of Christ and in fact, sent me in the wrong direction. My old CC pastor was not a frivolous man; he did his best to preach the Gospel and teach the Scriptures to the best of his ability and I believe at the end of his life he will hear from God “Well done, good and faithful servant.” But it was killing me. I don’t know if this is the case with many and they just abandon church altogether whereas as I found a Haven of Rest.
Everyone has their reasons but I don’t think we can discount laziness.
I think mainstream churches are losing people because of liberalism and rank heresy.
The Catholic Church has it’s own list of problems.
For Orthodoxy, the grown children of ethnic Orthodox immigrants are no longer interested in quaint Old World customs so many of those are lost to us and I don’t think the influx of new converts has reached replacement numbers.
So, lots of reasons.
>>…the main reason they quit their churches <<<
This isn't what I meant to say. People quit their particular churches for many noble reasons. What I meant to say is "people who quit attending church altogether."
or, I suppose I’m just lazy. 😉
I’ve never not attended a church for a long period of time, but it did take me almost two years to find a good fit 25 years ago. Common issues for me were:
-Constantly asking for money
-“Love-bombing” visitors like we are already your best friends
-Poor preaching
-A congregation that reflects only one age group
-Any kind of perceived prejudice towards racial or ethnic groups right around your church (all white church in an all-brown neighborhood, for example)
-Any kind of media reports about scandal in the church
-Creepy people (on this church. I attended a church where the janitor seemed off. Then he called me one night breathing heavily into my phone. I complained and found out he was a sex offender. The pastor was trying to help him…but he had access to the bathrooms, the church office with phone numbers..,)
After the search, I ended up at my current place of worship. It’s not perfect (I’m there, and I’m not perfect), but the congregation is involved, reaching out, and staying out of politics in that we park it at the door when we go into the building. We are very involved in both local and world outreach, and we host English, Spanish, and Korean congregations. We are slowly picking up new people, and they are not all church transfers. I’m happy.
My understanding of the New Testament is that believers need to be in church. NT churches weren’t perfect either, last I checked.
You never struck me as a lazy person, Filbertz. Like I said, many reasons.
Why not try a completely different type of church than the type of church that was so harmful to your family?
In discussing this, Michael and I started to think about the word “discipline “. I say my prayers morning and evening whether I feel like it or not. In much the same way, I go to church even when I don’t feel like it, or even when the sermon is less than inspiring, or the music is really bad… Is the discipline of being part of a Christian community a necessity?
My wife and I have daily prayer, worship and bible study. We are two or more (more being our dog). We don’t have or need anything else. There’s plenty of drama available elsewhere for others to be led astray by. Good for them. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
The better question, for me, is why do I still go to church?
I go more often than I don’t, but I don’t feel bad when I miss and sometimes really enjoy my Sundays away. I relate to #’s 1, 2 ,4 and 8 above.
More than anything, my old system fell apart, but they poisoned the well for the other systems.
Pretty simple; I was beat up too many times and I finally drew a line.
To be clear: not once has my faith in God faltered. People, however…
I go to church every Sunday (because I’m the primary preacher!) 🙂
But I understand why some people don’t go. Churches can be legalistic, hype-driven, entertainment oriented, money hungry, or utterly hypocritical. Some churches are too inward thinking, get too involved in politics, unfriendly and personality-driven. Some are theologically proud, others are too targeted toward one demographic.
All the things listed above are what we are trying not to be in our church.
I sporadically attend ‘the best, amongst the worst’ of churches in my area. I’ve been to a bunch in my community …and sincerely feel like I’ve found the most tolerable assembly, yet…
Sometimes I leave feeling empty and cynical …reflecting on something from the Pastor that felt manipulative and graceless. I don’t expect to hear COMMANDS issued from the pulpit: “Everybody take out your phones and get a picture of this hyperlink or #hashtag”. “I want everyone to stop what you’re doing …and respond to this question with an audible ‘Yes or No’. “I need everyone to pick up your phone and respond to this TEXT right now”.
Having been through the trauma of witnessing a church abruptly embrace ‘Purpose Driven Franchise’ church growth methodology …I am sensitive to congregant pliability/compliance-tests and entrepreneurial marketing ploys.
Too much of the service is devoted to self-promotion and propogation of the 501c3 non-profit religious enterprise. “But Sir, …we would like to SEE Jesus”.
I don’t do well with frequently hawking ‘Membership 101 classes’ and signing unilateral membership contracts (Oops, uh,…’church covenants’). Neither does high-pressure influence via ‘membership testimonies’ feel like the freedom Jesus promised.
I was ‘creeped-out’ by the exaggerated/PHONY greeting I received from a ‘worker’ stationed near the entrance: “It is SO good to SEE you y’all this morning!!”
The organic simplicity of coming together to just lift our souls and offerings of PRAISE to the heavens in communion …feels as though it’s been kidnapped and held hostage by merchandising and programming.
I know I should be in regular communion with my brothers and sisters, but too often I leave disheartened or burdened by ‘what COULD have been’. Part of me feels like Jesus, if visiting, …would clear out the sanctuary with a whip of cords.
filbertz mentioned the complementarian issue. I hadn’t known it was such a big deal until I started looking for a new church. Outside of charismatic/pentecostal types, denominations are largely sorted by whether or not they ordain women. The ones that do ordain women, generally, have a woman lead pastor and also heavily promote they are LGBTQ+ affirming. I am making no judgement calls here, simply making observations. But, with few exceptions, If I wanted to attend a church that had women in any real leadership roles, I would need to attend either a charismatic or a gay-affirming church.
As a pastor, these comments are super helpful for me.
Fear and shame kept me away from church. What I can only describe as a loneliness for Jesus brought me back.
When I first began to attend the church I’m now part of, I almost didn’t return because of numbers… low numbers! There were only 6 to 8 on any given Sunday. I was the stranger. It can be hard fitting in with such a low number. Now that we are at 40+ on any given Sunday, it’s much easier for a stranger to fit in and to help them feel a part of things. We are on a trend towards growth, which will bring its own challenges…
I write this only to say there are a myriad of reasons people don’t go to church. Some are practical, some are spiritual and some are emotional… discussing this topic helps.
When where you attend is a vassal for some other entity (RNC), why not just stay home and listen to that entity’s mouthpiece.
When where you attend shifts the focus from Jesus so much of their time to _____, why attend? I’ve always waited for the answer to this question. When Jesus based His entire ministry putting the focus on His words and life, how in the world does any ministry justify not doing the same. At this point, I want a service where 80% of the time is spent reading, discussing, and singing about His life and words. Everyone can go into their homes and wor–, I mean discuss their portfolio, and scapegoats.
When Jesus led His church for two centuries during intense persecution without official buildings, complex structures, etc, yet the church turned the world upside down!
Yet now somewhere in the Bible supposedly our power is political, our weapons are anger and revenge, and our enemy is not a fallen arch angel, but [insert scapegoats to cover our secret sins and fruit of carnal living here].
And another thing, especially why I don’t attend a “all we need is ‘the Word'” places.
Setting aside the index is not inspired, and most of our foundational doctrines/creeds (which I fully support btw) are not “clearly spelled out,” when “all I need is the Word” I immediately notice (one of my first draws to Jesus as a nonbeliever) He chose the “worst” group of knuckleheads on which to base His church! However, He was proving (and would again if we let Him) it’s “by My power says the Lord!”
If you don’t understand how difficult and complicated having poor Galilean fisherman, a tax collector, and a zealot were together, you really aren’t being taught correctly.
First of all, two of those camps would’ve loved to kill poor Matthew.
You’re being “taught” “woke” is the enemy?! Are you kidding me?!
You’re being “taught” we are under persecution?!
Please, please, please, by the Lord’s power, drag yourself from out under the lies and propaganda.
Learn for the first time the true Gospel. It starts, remains, and ends only with His Kingdom.
Anyone/thing which shifts the focus or adds to Jesus is antichrist.
Everyone will bow eventually, you can do it now freely and reap an amazing relationship with Papa and then realize your true home.
I would attend a ministry if, like Jesus, the leader put his arms around the most hated among you (please don’t pretend otherwise I’ve been around too long) and he said “our Lord said, you will be known by your love for each other.” And then John’s epistles of love proving without it, you don’t have God, for that’s what He is.
I guarantee you no lesbian, brown-skinned person, “liberal,” etc, were as community-hated as Matthew.
“As often as you’ve done this to the least of these, you’ve done it unto Me,” but it won’t happen, because “you cannot serve God and money.”
UnCCed
It is happening in numerous places, but they don’t grab the headlines and you have to look to find them…
We’ve been looking for another church to meet with on Sundays since we shifted to a mid-week home church. We’ve attended some interesting churches, which, while I could critique, I believe are trying to reach their communities and see their people grow in the faith. Run with your vision, see where it takes you.
We’ve settled—at least for now—for an older congregation that is really friendly and the pastor is a decent teacher. He seems real. He doesn’t appear to be as conservative, not as deep into the party line as I thought, which is a relief. I don’t want to identify as SBC anymore. Their building is close, which is a bonus as winter approaches. Not my first choice, but it might be the best place we can serve as well.
When I was single I almost gave up on going to church as it seemed most churches were geared towards families and esp kids.
I walked away from church and Christianity a long time ago. Have not been back since nor I do I intend to.
It is for a myriad of reasons, but one of the biggest is that one is more likely to meet the real Jesus of the Bible outside of the church.
And to quote Groucho Marx, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Dan,
That speaks to another unspoken reason: many find the Church built around certain life-stages, while others are left standing on the margins, wondering if there is room for them at all.
Ra’s al Ghul
Many who leave do so not out of indifference, but because they are still searching for something authentic. If you feel you have met Jesus more clearly outside the walls of the Church than within, that should give those of us who remain inside reason to pause and repent.
The Groucho Marx line has a sting to it, but I hear in it not just humor, but hurt—an acknowledgment that belonging has often been conditional, shallow, or hypocritical. If the Church is truly to be the Body of Christ, then it must be a place where one does not need to qualify to belong, but where one belongs because Christ has already made the invitation.
Your words remind me that the real question is not only why some walk away, but whether the Church itself has walked away from the One it proclaims.
Why don’t you all ask this question,
“Why would someone want to go to your/my church?”
Personally, after 40 years of attendance and service I got really tired of the music dominating the message. It seemed to me the service became more about the rock band and wanna be musicians and singers. Almost every church I have attended in the past 10 years has a box of ear plugs next to the door for those who don’t like loud music.
I also got fed up with the manipulative messages and atmosphere. It seems like if the speaker couldn’t motivate people to cry or they talked like Tony Robbins it wasn’t a good presentation.
Church in general just seems to me as dysfunctional as the culture it exists in.
Frankly, I’m tired of the drama, and it’s no different at church than it is in the wild.
And to Ra’s,
I can guarantee you will not find the “real Jesus” in the world. The rule of God is this, If you seek Him you will find Him. It doesn’t matter where you are, in the most peaceful place or the deepest hell hole possible, you will find Him.
The irony is people don’t go to church to “find Jesus.”
Ra’s al Ghul
What I am curious about, and maybe others here, is why you chose a handle of a cartoon super villain? Ra’s al Ghul is the head of the “League of Assassins” in the comic book (yes, these days it’s called a “graphic novel”).
Do you see yourself as assassinating something, maybe others faith in God or Jesus?
My TH is “Truth Hurts” because truth is always the sword and medicine against the things I deceive myself with. Seeking truth is not a comic book idea (Superman) it is a way of life.
Of course my saying is this, “if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question.”
thanks Duane. I do realize that some church’s will follow how they believe the Lord is leading, and if that means being more family-focused, then that’s ok. I have been to a few churches where, when I was single, I felt more at home and included/reached out to.
Dan,
That is good, but you made a very important point in what you posted…
thanks Duane!
I’ve lurked around here on & off for a number of years – since the PFM scandal first came out, basically. I used to attend a Calvary Chapel – by 2018, I’d ‘taken a break’ from all of the ministries I’d been involved in and ultimately decided to leave that CC. I attended a few churches after that – even considered membership at one briefly. I think that’s the last church I attended regularly, and I stopped going to that church because it was very involved in their neighborhood – which is really great – but I felt like an outsider because I didn’t live anywhere close to the neighborhood, and was actually already volunteering with another organization in another neighborhood in the same city. And didn’t feel like an outsider there.
The pandemic kind of solidified my lack of regular church attendance – as did all of the politics of the last decade. At this point, I don’t go to church because I don’t want to go to a concert & TED talk, I worry that I’ll get more of a political speech than a sermon, and frankly, I like having a dedicated morning where I can relax a little, enjoy my coffee, and then head to the rescue mission I volunteer at for their Sunday homeless meal.
2026 might be the year I attempt to go back to church – I know I should, but in addition to the showiness of many churches, it’s also historically been difficult for me to find continuous/consistent community within the churches I have attended regularly. (I have friends & community, some even from the same CC I left. None of my friends still go to that CC, but most do actually attend church.)
Anyway… that’s why I don’t go to church. A little bit of laziness, a little bit of hating to be the new person, and a lot of wanting something that’s genuine.