“Father Says” by Dr. Duane Arnold PhD
âFather Saysâ
âFather says come see me tonight…â (Bell/Arnold)
Father Says
âAn inquiry examining institutional sex abuse in Australia has heard 7% of the nation’s Catholic priests allegedly abused children between 1950 and 2010.
In one religious order, over 40% of church figures were accused of abuse.
Over 4,440 people claim to have been victims between 1980 and 2015, the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse was told.â
This report, issued last month, is just the latest finding in the long catalog of Roman Catholic clergy involved in the sexual abuse of children.
As we have discovered, however, such patterns of abuse are not limited to the Roman Catholic Church. Among Anglicans, patterns of child sexual abuse have involved both bishops and priests in England, Australia, South Africa and the United States. The Southern Baptist Convention has also struggled with the issue as case after case has come to the attention of the media and church leaders. The Methodist Church in Britain published a public apology in 2015 after finding over 2000 reports of abuse.  Lutherans, including LCMS, have not been immune, paying out millions of dollars to settle child sexual abuse cases. Among non-denominational evangelicals it is hard to quantify either the number of victims or perpetrators owing to the lack of structure and the independent status of local congregations. Yet, the scandals that have broken into the headlines from small congregations to mega-churches indicate an ongoing problem.
Comparing evangelicals to Roman Catholics, Boz Tchividjian, a Liberty University law professor who investigates such abuse, said in 2013, Â âI think we are worseâ.Â
So, what do we do? To be honest, I think most of us would like to avoid the subject altogether. Then we are confronted with those who wish us to maintain silence on these issues for âthe good of the churchâ or âthe viability of our witnessâ. As we have seen, however, silence simply allows the continuation of the status quo, often with the guilty parties being allowed to continue their abusive activities in other places and with yet more victims.
Recently, I had the opportunity to hear the recollections and testimonies of several victims of childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by clergy of varying faith traditions. During the presentations, one young man spoke of the tradition in the Roman Catholic Church of âfather saysâ. He explained that from a very young age he was taught to not only regard a priest with respect, but to accept whatever âfather saysâ without question. Another young man from an evangelical background spoke up and said, âWe have that too… only in my church it was âpastor saysâ…â The meaning with both was obvious. Â
Returning home that night, thinking of what I had heard, I sat down and began to compose the lyrics of a song based upon the experiences of the men and women who had shared their testimonies.Â
I entitled the song âFather Saysâ.
I sent the lyrics to my bandmate, Michael, who began to compose the music for the song. A couple of days ago, we recorded the demo.Â
Now the questions is, do we go into the studio and record it? If we record it and release it, are we harming the witness of the Church or are we simply telling the truth about something that has gone on for far too long? If we record it and release it are we helping or harming the Church? On the other hand, are we harming the Church by not reflecting this reality in our art and music? As Christian artists, should we even be dealing with a subject that has brought such shame and scandal to the Church?
There are no easy answers to these questions, so Iâm turning to this small community for your cumulative wisdom.Â
Here are the lyrics and I look forward to your comments:
V.1
His hands may be sacred
But his touch burns my skinÂ
He says Iâm something special
Weâll be forgiven if weâve sinned
No confession to be made
Holy water wonât wash me clean
I want to tell somebodyÂ
They wonât believe things Iâve seen
âCause Father says
V.2
Guess Iâm not a temple
Just something to be used
Stench of incense clings to me
As I slip up past these pews
No virgins left at this altar
As the candles light our way
Have to do the things he wants
When its done weâll have to pray
âCause Father says
(Chorus)
Father says come see me tonight
As the angels watch me fall
Father says itâll be alright
I guess Iâm special after all
But inside, Iâve died,
From what Father says
V.3
Ask your brother later
Donât tell your mom or dad
Wine soaked breath on my face
He says donât look so sad
No holy wounds of passion
Just sweat and shame and lust
Doing what I hate and fear
Everything he says I must
âCause Father says
(Bridge)
Jesus wonât come down from that cross
Wonât take away my pain
Saints wonât hear my cries or prayers
Theyâve just left me here again
To do what Father says
(Chorus)
Father says come see me tonight
As the angels watch me fall
Wow. Utterly heartbreaking.
I think we should always tell the truth, even if it hurts. Hiding the truth only enables these predators to continue in their ways.
This is so powerful and so needed.
I’m honored to publish it…because art and music can change the unchangeable.
Thank you, Duane…
Duane,
I see the terrible damage that sexual abuse has visited on victims of evil clergy. I also can see the value in song as a godly vehicle for lament. However, in its current form, the song lacks certain elements, which if added could render the song a Christian lament.
Generally, the lament Psalms contain the following elements:
(1) address to God;
(2) complaint;
(3) expression of faith;
(4) petition; and
(5) praise.
Without expression of faith, including that God hears my complaint and petition and will come to my aid, and a praise or doxology for His faithfulness, you’re left with complaints which lead to despair and/or blasphemy.
What does the victim want? Put it out there. Even the destruction of his enemies can have an evangelical purpose so that by justice the evil might repent of their evil and receive grace and mercy from God.
Your article is on a very relevant issue and I think writing poetry or music as an outlet for pain and suffering from clergy abuse is good. Please don’t be offended by my critique. My concern is that the song bear fruit in the souls of those who sing or hear it, and not lead them further into despair or unbelief.
This is why an unmarried clergy is a bad idea.
By all means, record/publish it! The church needs to be purged of this. As Disillusioned said, hiding the truth will only enable the predators. I am an artist myself and, as a Christian, I have been encouraged to paint only “safe” material. I will not do that. One day when I get back to my art, the gloves will come off.
Many thanks all…
#3 Jean
I understand your critique, but I wrote this from the point of view of the victim and intentionally avoided resolution. The reason being that so many of the victims have not come to a point of resolution themselves – not with clergy, not with the Church and, painful as it is to say, not with God. The final bridge/coda is almost a “non-prayer”. I did this as I felt it was important to be true to their experience. We want resolution – forgiveness, judgement… something… – but resolution is the very thing most find it hard to achieve. When Church itself – with all that it entails – becomes the trigger to summon up the most painful experiences, I understand why resolution escapes so many.
A “Though He slay me yet will I trust Him” conclusion might give some victims hope.
#7 Xenia
An interesting thought as violated trust is at the heart of the issue…
I like it the way it is.
It speaks to the broken trust and the despair that comes with it…and being able to voice that is the first step on the way back to something resembling wholeness.
I agree with Disillusioned. Just tell the truth like you did Duane. Why does there always need to be quick resolution? Maybe there’s no resolution on this side of eternity for some people that have been hurt so bad. Well done Duane. Just my 1 cent.
#10 Joel
Many thanks. Speaking of “no resolution”, in looking through the news reports I was appalled and saddened by the number of victims who took their own lives.
This is quite powerful. It gives voice to the anguish and despair of the victims of these terrible crimes.
I think it is better to record and acknowledge the reality of the situation and show that there are those who care and think about it rather than to keep it hidden to save face for the church.
My only problem is that there is no hope offered to the victim. But I’m not sure how it could be done.
Thank you all for your input.
I’ve heard the finished product…and it gave me chills.
We need this…and much more .
This was the problem when I reported my then ex-law 17 year old uncle for violating my then 2 year old daughter. The family was angry at me, accused me of being the molester (which makes no logical sense, but emotions run high), and so on. My ex put it in context: “in our culture, what the eldest male says is Law, and you violated that, so that is why they are so angry and confused by your actions.” The eldest male would be my ex FIL, the father of the perp. Mexican culture, Catholic (pretty much in name only). Three years later, after we thought we’d pretty much moved past this, our daughter mentioned something about not wanting to be alone with the uncle, and grandma called her a liar (not the first time) and wanted to talk to her to set her straight.
It’s sad that we trust the mother of our older son’s classmate to watch our children, rather than their own grandmother, who was complicit in hiding and denying sexual abuse. I don’t pray fire and brimstone upon the uncle, nor the family, though I still get angry sometimes. I do pray for the protection of our children and that their angels who gaze upon the face of The Father in heaven protect them from evil.
You guys should release it at no cost,
Soundcloud
Bandcamp
But to be ecumenical about it, the second chorus should read “Pastor says”.
Victor,
That is very sad, I understand how you feel. We were never able to leave our daughter with her grandmother as there was a known molester in the house. We were never confident that grandmother would be vigilant to ensure the safety of the young girls in the house.
What key?
#18 It’s in DADGAD tuning…
just stopping by to say….
i have some reservations with the tone of the lamentation… even tho, it lays bare the ugly wound to a trusting young soul, somehow, this ‘song’ should declare that the man is not a man of God, but a phony Father, a wolf in a cleric’s garb… as it is written (as i read it) the condemnation falls on the Church not the man
#20 em
The trouble is, most of these perpetrators (and their protectors) often looked at the abuse as something not connected to being a priest or pastor… it was (is) self-delusion in the extreme. Even more troubling are the number of parents who thought it was a “good thing” that the pastor, priest, or youth minister had such a “special interest” in their son or daughter…
Not sure what to say except wow. I just read this to my wife she is sitting and crying as I write this. Thank you Duane.
covered,
That was pretty much my reaction…
For me,nothing is more powerful than a song…and I pray that the church learn to use music and art like this again.
There is a message in every line. I can’t stand the pain caused by betrayal.
covered, Michael,
Many thanks. I’ll have to say, it was more about listening to what was said by the victims and turning it into verse. Maybe that’s part of the lesson – listen first…
It is amazing to me, I searched fairly extensively and really found nothing by Christian/Catholic singer songwriters on this subject (I may have missed something, but I don’t think so). That’s in spite of the fact that this has occupied the front pages of the local and national press for almost two decades with churches paying hundreds of millions of dollars in settlement of law suits. I guess they figure that K-Love does’t want something like this on their playlist. It’s not “positive and encouraging”…
Good observation Duane. There is a measurable amount of responsibility & accountability with your lyrics.
Duane,
That song will “resonate” with victims because it says that some listened and someone understood.
That is a precious gift to people in pain…
This song speaks to the thousands upon thousands of women used as well.
Michael #27 – Yes yes yes. Listening is a ministry to the world that the church needs to invest in more than ever.
Everyone:
Based on my understanding, the idea “complaints that offer no hope are blasphemous” are not consistent with even Scripture itself.
Psalm 88 is a dark room I go to sometimes because I find comfort that, even in Scripture, God has made a space where there is no hope, and that it’s okay to just feel pain.
I think being able to feel pain without being lectured to pull myself back up has been a huge part of my process of recovering from religious abuse. I trust others here can relate.
If I am reading Psalm 88 wrong, I am open to your opinions.
But from where I sit, it seems one of the only places where God has validated the ability for us as human beings to complain and _not_ have to express faith. Because, sometimes, that’s just the way it is.
#30 Ryan
Well said. I think many would agree with you.
I appreciate the song. I’m not going to say I like it, but it’s powerful.
Across our society sexual abuse is ripping us to shreds, and yet it sits beneath the radar. Most folks don’t want to deal with it, and I think that is because virtually everyone has, in one way or another, been touched by it.
I had an uncle, by marriage, who molested his own grandsons. Fortunately for my brother and I we were NEVER left alone with this monster. He was the “nice” uncle. He was a damn savage.
I don’t think a lot of people realize that human trafficking has become the main method for gangs to make money. A couple of years ago our school police did a presentation, and informed us that human trafficking would become the dominant gang related crime.
We need to get our heads out of the sand.
Agree with the sentiment…heavy. Sad and sorrowful.
BUT:
The last stanza portrays Jesus as uncaring. That He won’t take away the pain. This is not true of the real Jesus. It is false.
I understand that the singer is probably referring to the wooden Jesus on the crucifix, but that is implied and solely derived from the listener’s knowledge of Catholicism.
So much of this song rings heartfelt truth. Please don’t end it with a lie. Change the final stanza to be clear that it refers to the non-living, crucifix Jesus.
Donner
Not a false portrayal of Jesus, but a “psalmic”, if that’s a word even, expression of a child or, to me, woman being betrayed, lost and in pain.
Record it. What is happening under the supposed guise of God and Jesus is giving a false understanding of who God and Jesus are. The truth shall set you free.
Linnea
Many thanks….
Lonnie Frisbee is a life study of a victim of children’s ministry leaders.
He tried to tell the adults what was happening to him but no one would believe him.
So he withdrew into the comfort of the Holy Spirit he has said.
His therapist had said to him that he had “bonded” to the age at which he had been molested.
It is amazing to see what this man struggled with and to realize how many people responded to his ministering.
Tough topic…great work Duane…shows you are not afraid to go to the wall and say it as it is…
“Truth is the delineation of that which is.”
1 Peter 2:9 New International Version (NIV)
9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, Godâs special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
One of the saddest books I have ever read was “Orphans of The Empire” By Alan Gill. All the churches involved in this were trying to do good in many ways after a horrid war but more horrors followed. I tried to discuss this with the faith community I first became a Christian. The I’m a liar, you want attention discussion just really turned me off, it was supposed to so it worked so that is good. That was one time that I learned the very last place to discuss things like forgiveness, hope, redemption repentance etc was church.
Well, Brian, at least that particular Church was toxic for you.
All Churches are not alike.
All of us seek a Church where we sense that we are being accepted and are comfortable.
Going through the Churches that we don’t fit in is all part of the ongoing process until we finally arrive where we need to be.
What I am saying is don’t throw up absolutes on just one Church experience/encounter.
Stay at finding a place, soon enough you will find a wonderful Church where you can thrive and grow in Christ.
I know all churches, even most churches are not like that. I do look and am trying. I agree we should not use absolutes but it was not just one experience and it was years of encounters. It took me years after that just to unpack what I was “taught”. But I get your point, thank you.
Duane, as you well know, the kind of Christian art that offers up tidy answers to enormous issues in a 3 minute song is the worst kind of art.
Good work. I don’t “like” this. It is very uncomfortable. It will not get played on K-Love.
All three statements in that last line are compliments.
#37 Surfer
Many thanks. The situation with Lonnie is apt and worth considering. This sort of abuse often becomes a life long struggle for the victim. I have a friend in their late 60s. She was molested as a child in a church situation. She still has nightmares…
#42 Josh
Many thanks. Yes, there are no tidy answers. The best we can do is to acknowledge the reality of the issue and many will listen to a song before they read a news report or article.
Appreciate the “compliments”…
On an important note related to this thread… Whether you are involved in a local church body, an association or a denomination, do insure that you have written policies concerning this issue in place for clergy, youth ministers, child care workers, volunteers, etc.. Also, there would be no harm in undergoing a bit of training to recognize the “signs” of abuse. Such training is available in most communities…
I wonder how many who read here have those clear policies in place…
we do.
As of 2013, over 2.5 billion dollars had been paid out by churches in legal settlements on child sex abuse cases. The number now is likely twice that amount…