I do not understand all the ways of God and I have little patience with those who think they do.
In particular, I have always had issues with the idea of conscious eternal torment…it seems unjust.
Being punished eternally for a vapor of a life seems out of balance to me…
This has led to much wresting with God and man…trying to understand.
During this wresting, my mother started sliding into dementia.
Her torment may indeed end up being eternal…she has never claimed to be a believer… but I wonder if she’ll get credit to her account for the torment she’s undergoing now.
In the last three months she’s lost her cat companion of 22 years, a daughter, and her only sister.
That’s hard enough, but the fall of humanity has added the cruelest of twists to her grief.
When Punkin the cat died, I took his remains to the cat crematorium…his ashes would be with us until we met our own end.
When I came home, mom asked me if I’d seen the cat.
He had died hours before, but that fact had already faded from her memory.
I had to tell her again that he had passed…and she felt the shock and grief all over again as if it were the first time.
This happened over and over gain over the next couple of weeks…and every time the pain of the news crushed her.
Then her daughter died…and the same scenario played out…over and over again.
Now she has lost her sister…and is again experiencing the news of fresh loss repeatedly.
I cannot think of anything crueler and more definitive of the word “torment”.
I don’t know how she has survived this.
I do not wonder where God is…by faith I know that He is at the right side of the Father interceding for us.
My hope is that part of His intercession is telling the Father that my moms suffering… coupled with His own… is sufficient to cover whatever eternal conscious torment is supposed to accomplish.
Mom is in hell already.
My prayer is that God is more loving and more forgiving than many who follow Him want Him to be.
I pray that my longing for my mother (and so many others I have known) to be reconciled to Him is a reflection of His heart and not my own emotions…though I would not want to ever feel any other emotions than I do.
That would make me less than human, not more like God.
The heart of God is that all be saved…perhaps my heart is simply aligning with His.
Perhaps that’s why I know that He suffered for what my mom is suffering now…that she is sharing in His suffering whether she knows it or not.
If you are suffering…you sharing in His suffering as well.
I don’t understand that, I believe it.
I know that someday all this suffering will end.
Make your own application…