TGIF
This is a “best of” from years past while I take a couple days off.
It is the second most powerful phrase in our language.
It is one of the first phrases a child learns when developing social skills.
It carries great potential for healing when spoken from the heart.
It is supposed to come naturally for Christians.
‘I’m sorry”.
My own son, from his single digits of age has understood the full equation, “I’m sorry, please forgive me”.
Sadly, once you achieve a measure of authority, the phrase sticks in your throat like a fish bone.
Thousands of people who have experienced some sort of organizational abuse of authority have been held in the grip of that abuse because people are too important in their own eyes to say two simple words.
“I’m sorry”.
They should forgive unilaterally, you object…let it go and move on.
Perhaps…but that’s not the way we’re wired and that’s not how God set up the social intercourse of the church.
To be offended without the offender seeking forgiveness creates an open cycle of pain that takes an act of God to heal… when two words spoken fitly could have ended the cycle and created health.
The only thing worse is when the offender denies giving any offense at all…
You can easily spot those who have been denied the hearing of those words…they find a way to clean the wound and maintain peace for a season, but inevitably the wound begins to fester and fill with toxins and they either display the frustration and pain or they retreat from the circle to clean the wound anew.
The wound never heals, because the balm is never applied by the ones who hold it.
This principle applies to our personal relationships as well…days, months, years, of strife can be ended with the speaking of two simple words.
I have played both parts in my life, the offender and the offended, and the only freedom I have ever found was held in those two words, given and received.
You see, the most powerful phrase in our tongue is “I love you”…but some will only believe those words if they hear “I’m sorry” first.
Today, I’m going to seek out those who need to hear from me.
Go and do likewise.
Make your own application…
A few points, it was often made clear to me saying “Im sorry” was considered pathetic at best and evil at worst it means one is showing weakness that is well Satanic. If “Im sorry” is used as an apologetic or to cover some misdeed by deflecting scrutiny that is good. If it is used to reconcile one contending party with another, aside from any financial gain, it is well vile, and that is being nice. I often use “Im sorry” because I want to be restored to people I have wronged, I wont go into what I have been told about me about doing that.
“I love you” at times it was the words used before the knife was sunk deep and hard. It is effective when used and I get that and it is always justified to do that, I get that as well. I use those words sparingly because I dont love everyone some people I cant stand. I wish no evil on them but I dont love them. What is sad is that so many have been hurt by those words, they are effective an thus justified but it is really rather sad. I dont know how to make application I want to love people but I am suppose to hate them as well and wish them to receive God’s eternal wrath if they do not toe the party line.
I prefer this version of I’m sorry
Michael,
This is great stuff! However, one thing I have learned is to not throw your pearls before swine. Too often the “abused” ends up in a cycle apologizing to their abusers hoping that they will eventually be accepted and loved. This cycle needs to stop because those that are evil and arrogant will often blame those they have abused and never humble themselves to apologize for their own real abuse causing more pain to those that have be wounded.. Asymmetrical relationships are prone to this type of dynamic.
The problem sometimes I notice with those who struggle to apologize is perfectionism
When you can accept that you are a very flawed person then you can easily apologize knowing it doesn’t make u less of a person as u know ur failings. When you are a perfectionist its harder to come to grips with ur failings and then apologizing doesn’t come easily cuz you want to keep up the facade to people that your darn near perfect.
Sol,
Exactly. Not only do perfectionists put on this facade that they are perfect but they end up demanding perfection from others which are often very humble people. It would behoove the perfectionists to remove the plank of perfectionism out of their own eye. Pride, arrogance and entitlement I am convinced are behind this disaster.
Done.
Good comment above on perfectionism.
There is a difference between perfectionism and a striving for excellence as well as maturity.
“Be ye perfect” is a command, after all, nothing less.
“Sol,
Exactly. Not only do perfectionists put on this facade that they are perfect but they end up demanding perfection from others which are often very humble people. It would behoove the perfectionists to remove the plank of perfectionism out of their own eye. Pride, arrogance and entitlement I am convinced are behind this disaster.”
True Andrew. When I played football it was the perfectionist that didn’t take risk and allow themselves to make mistakes. Those that weren’t perfectionist played with a free spirit and had fun doing it.
PP Vet,
Also true, we must also strive for maturity and not use the fact that we are not perfect as an excuse
Matt 5:48. “You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Great verse! If nothing else will get you to realize you need a savior and humble yourself, this one should.
It seems to have similar affect that the tenth commandment had on the apostle Paul. At least this is my first impression since I am far from perfect and don’t see how I could even come close. Thank God for Jesus’ atonement.
Haggard does have a point
http://tedhaggardblog.com/2013/12/12/suicide-evangelicalism-and-sorrow/
Pardon the interruption: Active shooting in progress in local high school in Colorado.
They just reported the suspect was just found dead. One 15yo shot, but alive, 2 taken to the hospital.
This school is not far from where the infamous Columbine shootings took place.
Haggard’s writing is very heartfelt.
I remember when he was on a Lutheran radio show many years ago when he was a pastor in Colorado Springs. He couldn’t admit to the host that he’d sinned in the previous week. Boy, has he traveled a long journey!
Money quotes:
“Maybe we should be willing to admit that we are all growing in grace, be willing to be numbered with the transgressors, and stop over-stating and over-promising. Jesus has been faithful to all of us in the midst of our pain, our suffering, and our disappointments. Why don’t we tell that?”
“They (evangelical leaders) just don’t have a grid for the complexity of it all. It is much more convenient to believe that every thought, word, and action is a reflection of our character, our spirituality, and our core. They think the Earth is flat. Everyone is either completely good or bad, everything is either white or black,”
“There are more grays in life than many of our modern theological positions allow”
PP Vet,
The Haggard article has much good to say.The point about image and damage control is spot on.