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22 Responses

  1. Paige says:

    Love you,my dear friend. Thank you for your wisdom and transparency. We’re all learning how to parent (grandparent)…..
    We are in a season of peace and calm at the moment (after years, decade, of sore trials). I actually had the weird thought yesterday “I wonder if God has left me” since things are smooth at the moment…… I used to wonder if God had left me when things were so difficult.
    Crazy, I know. 🙂

  2. Michael says:

    Paige…It’s a long road we’ve traveled, but I’m thankful you’ve been on this leg of my journey.
    Love you much, my friend.

  3. Paige says:

    Sleep well.

  4. Ryan Ashton says:

    I love you, Michael!!!!

    I think we all know how often you’ve tried to err on the side of grace, rather than law… with many people. However wrong you may think it, your example has made a lasting impression. The times you have impacted my life, you’ve been more a father to me than my own blood… and it has indeed made a difference.

    Your journey with your son is lifelong… it doesn’t end at 18. Just know that you have been a father to many… and you’ve done quite well.

    Quit beating yourself up… 🙂 And watch this:

  5. WOW… seriously impacting… and yes me too in my own ways…. and Thanks… a lot

  6. Lutheran says:


    I agree with Ryan. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Asperger’s is really, really, really tough.

    God’s forgiving grace in Jesus is infinitely higher and deeper and richer than all of youryour shortcomings or sins or whatever you call them.

  7. Papias says:

    Good post.
    I hated being disciplined as a kid, especially when the punishment didn’t fit the crime. Or when it seemed like it was from love. Or when it seemed like it WAS HURTING me more than it hurt them, in spite of their words.

    For some reason, I have to post this from my mobile, as the work computer is not letting me post. Probably better that way. 😉

  8. Michael says:

    Thank you all for your prayers and support…you all have been a lifeline for us.
    When we go through these seasons of discipline it is wise to “kiss the rod’…to draw everything out of the suffering that God will give us.
    I’m learning humility…again.
    I’m learning that my heart really is an idol factory and that we can make idols of really good things…like our children.
    Some have told me that they find these articles difficult to read…trust me, they’re harder to write.
    This is how I’m fulfilling my commission from Dr. Packer to teach the word..nobody ever should or would read any attempt by me at lofty theological treatises.
    I’m not qualified.
    My prayer is that by sharing my life in the light of the Word that it is helpful to someone…this is what I have to give.
    Thank you all again for your prayers.
    I’m off to work.

  9. Brutal. It is hard to read. But necessary.

    Thank you for opening your veins. Spilling your blood. Praying for you in this difficult time.

  10. nomans says:

    Yes… And thank you. And ouch. And praying.

  11. Joe Marino says:

    Parenting is the hardest job, and no matter what you do, you do not really have as much control over the results as you would hope.

  12. Solomon Rodriguez says:

    I have made the mistake of not diisciplining enough with my own kids. It’s not that I haven’t scolded them or put them on restriction it’s that I end up not following completely through on them fufilling the restriction I put them on. There all teeenagers now, 17,16 and 14 and they are good kids but my two older ones have rebelled during the last two years. Right now there is peace with all of us but now the concern is getting my 17 year old graduated on time and my 16 year old caught up on credits.

  13. Em says:

    “I’m learning that my heart really is an idol factory and that we can make idols of really good things…like our children”

    a little boy’s troubles may lead to much wisdom for all of us who read this thread – praying

  14. sarahkwolfe says:

    Michael…the boys have been praying for Trey each night. Of course it is somewhat difficult for them to understand it all….and I’ve kept it simple, but they make connections to Grandma in her dementia and Baby Teddy in his Down’s: They make the connections that sometimes our brains simply work against us instead of for us, and how hard that makes it for all involved.

    Reading Em’s comment #13 made me think of Lane who is suffering in his struggle against cancer…it is heartbreaking that these kids are going through this suffering, and yet God is using them to teach so many. Praying that even as He has used them as instruments to teach us, He now will give them rest and place His hand upon their minds, or bodies, and heal.

    Praying that He would release the frustration and the anger and the fears in Trey’s mind and allow peace to settle. Praying for all of you who are entrusted with his care that God will bless you with strength beyond what you can imagine. Praying that you will have the patience needed to make room for wisdom in caring for Trey.

    Praying mostly, as I usually seem to come to…that God will simply be present in this situation and in your midst and that His presence will change things.

    Thinking of you all today….

  15. jlo says:

    Thank you for allowing me/us to walk with you.

    Thank you all for walking with me.

  16. DavidH says:

    Michael, This was a great post. This was a bittersweet read.

    The reality is that we, hopefully, raise our children to the best of our ability.

    Thank you for leading with your heart on your sleeve.

  17. nonnie says:

    This is a hard world and I haven’t met a parent yet who doesn’t wish he or she should have done a lot of things differently. I know that i made plenty of mistakes! But the love,commitment, and the time you have invested in your son,’s life will one day yield good fruit….do not grow weary in doing good and making changes as The Lord leads you. Love covers a multitude of sin. Continuing to pray for you and your son.

  18. DavidH says:

    Nonnie, thanks for the words of encouragement.

    My son is a special education student. He has dyslexia and short term memory problems. If things get past his short term memory into his long term memory, it’s there forever. At 14, he’s a typical teenager, but it’s such a struggle for him to remember important things on the fly. I love him so much, and want the best for him, but he struggles so much. It really hurts to see him go through this.

    All I can ask is for prayers for Caleb.

  19. Nonnie says:

    DavidH, I am praying for Caleb now, along with Michael for his son…..for all our children and grandchildren represented here.
    Reading here and sharing about our concerns for our children has reminded me of an Anglican Baptism I attended where the priest asked the entire congregation if they were willing to invest in that child’s life; to love, nurture and point that child to Christ. The congregation responded, “We will.”

    In a small, way, I think that is what we are doing here…with words of encouragement typed on a screen, and prayers to our loving God, we invest in one another’s lives and those of our children.

    Oh, Father of all mercies, help each one of us to be a source of love and goodness into the lives of those You have intrusted into our care.

  20. DavidH says:

    Nonnie, again, thanks. Yours is a great encouragement to me.

  21. brian says:

    Michael I have worked with this population for decades, you walk on sacred ground by your care. I can tell you story after story of those people who struggle with these disabilities abandoned by their family, often with great passion. With great passion because they were afraid and overwhelmed. I will tell you what I tell the parents of the students I work with.

    You stood in the gap, it was messy and strange but you stood. To quote a word from Gladiator, what you do here will echo in eternity. If I read the scriptures correctly it will not echo it will be manifested in the stars. But that is not why you do what you do, it is because you love your family and love them because of Christ, or should I say you love them because you and they are in Christ. From the “backsliden” heretics such as myself. You understand much more concerning the Cross and Resurrection.

    Saving one life is saving all lives and all lives are one, to save one is to save all and in saving all we save that one. In that He is the one who saves, redeems and restores.

  22. PP Vet says:

    Let’s remember that what children need to be disciplined to do is love.

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