A Death In The Family
I have been feeling the loss of our friend “Em” heavily this week.
Her daughter has been kind enough to correspond with me a bit while dealing with her own grief, and that has been a blessing.
Em was not the first member of this strange community to pass…long time readers will remember our friend “Puzzletop” …his real name was Ken and Ken and I shared many a phone call, usually when I was on a long drive for work.
We laughed a lot…prayed together and shared our love for the Lord and our people. His family was also a blessing to me and I miss him.
We lost David…I can’t remember his online name,but I’ll always remember him as one who loved animals as much as I do…he once sent me a picture of himself in his recliner surrounded by cats and dogs…and a chicken.
Nancy passed a year or so ago…from here she went on to actually join my church and we loved her a lot.
Many of you will remember Tom Stipe…a legendary figure in the Jesus Movement, but my friend in real life.
When Reuben lost his wife Becky, it felt like I lost a friend who loved her pets and people as much as I do.
Reuben is like a son to me in spirit…I pray for him likeI pray for my own people.
The common denominator was that I never met any of them in person, but the relationships were real.
There are people I’ve “met” here that are closer to me than my own kin.
Back before politics became our all in all, we really did have a community…limited by the lack of actual presence, but vital in its own way.
I’m amazed at how so many people started here and then formed their own relationships with people they met here and those relationships continue… even though they have left here because they can no longer tolerate me.
There has been a lot of mourning this week…not only for lost friends,but for lost community…both “real” and digital.
What happens here…what is said here…affects real people behind the names we read…we have both healed and harmed, fed and starved the hearts of many.
What you say matters…you matter.
“We” matter…any community is better than no community at all…like most spaces, we haven’t been able to overcome the divisions in our culture…and I’m not sure if we know how much we have really lost.
I’m not sure the ground will be reclaimed in my lifetime, but we should hang on to the remnants of what once was…here and elsewhere.
I grieve with you, Michael. I remember the folks of whom you speak. I know I don’t contribute a whole lot, but this is a place of community for me.
CK,
It’s a place where you know and are known…and in that knowing, people care.
I’m glad you’re here.
A lot of good relationships but we are largely a baby boomer community and the season has come for us to begin the slow march that ends our sojourn. So we are leaving.
My mother lingers at almost 94 having outlived her peers. She is friendless except for her children, grands, great grands and great great grands… so we are plentiful but even we have begun to die. Mom simply says, “this too shall pass.” She bears it all stoically
It seems everything has a life cycle. My old church is flourishing but little is left of the ethos and culture we once thrived within. Now a new wineskin characterizes it. I grieve the old but cannot reject the necessity of it passing.
Thanks for reminding us to remember, to care, to grieve,
Alan,
You have spoken wisely…we are passing away.
What I am wondering is if we have passed on the need for community and how to create and sustain it…or if we have been too busy throwing bombs to know what we blew up.
Our younger people are drowning in isolation and digital relationships that disappear as quickly as they appear…
Most of my peers spend at least a little time wondering what we thought we were accomplishing and answering that perhaps they might as well go fishing.
Of course the imagery is loaded there.
Alan,
This site has consumed most of the last quarter of my life…but I now believe that the important stuff I did was in my home or at a skatepark.
Our work here in the early years has been mostly forgotten…and knowing that is not heartening…
For years this place has been a community for me. Like you Michael, I have not personally met most of those who post here, but I feel they have all been like family. Many times I have asked this family to pray for me. I will forever be thankful!
Bob,
I’ve always considered you to be an elder brother…you have been a pillar of this community…
So much of what we’ve all had has been based in prayer for each other…
Michael,
I don’t remember what year it was that I showed up on the PhxP, so not sure where in the timeline I sit. I for one am VERY glad to have found a spiritual home here, yes, even though it is digital and many have gone. I really needed to find this place.
Dan,
I’m not sure when you arrived, but I’m glad you did…you’ve added much to this place…
Michael,
Maybe it’s forgotten, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t important, or maybe even exactly what God had you to do.
Certainly there were those who were impacted by seeing God’s love and compassion through you and others who cared about their situations, especially as you advocated for them. Even if some have now forgotten and moved on, many of whom have seemingly chosen to follow the lead of their politics above all, your work was still the work of God.
But, yeah, it sucks when those who were ministered to and/or gained from the fellowship here, seemingly forget that, even to the point of those memories being replaced by disdain. They may forget, but God doesn’t.
Thank, Kevin…what a help you have been to the work here.
I got an email last week asking if I knew anything about Calvary Chapels…I turned off the computer and took a nap…
I sure would like to know what ever happened to Erunner. I attended 3 E-Fests that he put together years ago. Those lunches were great times!
Bob,
I would like to know as well…maybe we should email him…he was a big part of our history.
Michael…so well said. I feel like I’ve kinda gotten to know many here through this site. Em was a sort of contemporary of mine …even though she had a few years on me. I’ve gleaned so much from everyone here & grieve for those who have lost loved ones.
Ah, yes, those E-Fests. I was at those too. Good times.
pslady,
Here’s hoping you have many more good years…we’re glad you’re here!
I was terribly jealous of the e-fests, being on the East Coast. I spoke to him on the phone once or twice. Great man, but I’ve lost touch with him.
I saw Kevin post a picture in Charlotte once, and messaged quick hoping to take him out for lunch, but he had already gone. That’s the closest I got to a physical meet up with anyone here.
I came here in the wake of Todd Bentley – that was 2008. When I went through the darkest period of my life a couple years ago, Michael and Reuben showed up and stood with me through it. Not physically, mind you, but they are a large reason that I am still around at all.
So yes, the work that has been done here matters. Everyone who has taken part matters. I am eternally grateful.
“Everyone who has taken part matters.’
Josh…that includes you.
You’ve been a hell of a contributor here…
She did love her pets and people as much as you. Written through tears.
Of all these people mentioned, but I only really “knew” Em. However, I continue to find PP an island of sanity midst the cra-cra of many other online communities. Civility is important, as well as polite disagreement, and I appreciate it.
I am feeling the Boomer thing, too. Two of my college roommates passed within this past year, both in their mid-60s (I’m 66). I’m more aware that time is shorter and that I want to make the time count for something that truly pleases God.
This was beautifully written. We’ve had sweet times here and I’ve made precious friends here. Most of us stay in touch through FB or messaging one another. To everything there is a season. I don’t post often anymore, but you are loved and appreciated .
Thank you, Nonnie!
Michael (and to you all), it’s very comforting to me to come in here and find posts about my mom (Em).
It’s been a rough couple of weeks, especially since she had been living with me for the last twelve or so years. I keep thinking I need to make her breakfast or tell her about the latest news.
There is so much I could tell you all about mom (real name, Miriam) and how much you all meant to her. But it’s just a bit too hard to do so at the moment. Please know she cared about all of you deeply, even when you disagreed with her. You were her extended family.
Grief is a weird thing. There is no way to get to the other side of it intact except by walking through it and with it; not around it, over it, or under it. I’ve often said grief is a thing that is yours and that you’ve earned it.
As we age (I’m GenX) the losses mount in our lives as friends, acquaintances, relatives, and pets go on ahead before us and the memories start fading into one, or even just fade altogether. But, we are just sojourners here in this life. The real “us” is placed by God into a mortal body for a time, until that day when we return to Him.
My mom has returned to Him. She belongs there, and so do we.
Reuben, she learned to tolerate (and even like) my two cats! I think Michael had something to do with her cat conversion. Her husband, Douglas, loved cats, too. She definitely adored my dog and my two horses.
She will be placed at Tahoma National Cemetery alongside her husband (my dad). I expect dad to terrorize her with Axle (my dad’s pet cat) in heaven. Ha!
I’ve got a hilarious story about Axle the cat. One day, mom pulled out of the garage and made it half way to town when she saw some folks on the side of the road hollering and pointing to the roof of her car. She stopped and heard some meowing. She opened her car door and found Axle staring down at her from the rooftop.