City of Refuge
This is the weekly place for those who have been victims of abusive churches to share their stories within a community of wounded healers.
You may use your name or you may use a pseudonym if that is more comfortable.
We come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences, but most of us have traveled the road you’re on, many of us are still traveling it.
We invite you to stay as long as you like and we hope you become part of this community and another healing, but wounded healer for others.
Today, if you have a prayer need or just need a word of encouragement, let us know.
If you have a word of edification, of hope, share it that someone else might be lifted.
Well, looks like I’m the only one taking refuge today 😉
hehe funny BrianD.
you seem to be the only wise person…taking refuge. 😉
Yup. Maybe everyone thinks I have the pig flu 🙂
Hope you and Buster and Misty are doing well.
the pig flu…oh…remember that tv show…can’t remember what it was called…the waitress with the big hair….chewing gum…didn’t she say that all the time…the pig flu…no…um…oh….when pig’s fly.
Alice? Flo?
both, I think…the show was Alice…that waitress was Flo…then they did a spin off show call Flo…
so how are you Brian?
alright, very very busy right now, but keep an eye on things.
keepING an eye on things…or two 😯 😉
Hi fellow refugees <3
Mels Diner! Loved that show…
Speaking of the pig flu 🙁
bleh!
Flo was famous for the line, “Mel, kiss my grits!”
glad your able to keep an eye on things Brian, it seems I have lost my mod. position.
nomans, are you sick? oh no! 🙁 no fun. I’ll be praying for you.
Captain Kevin, oh ya, I had forgotten that line.
Okay have to get this off my mind; I’m so mad I could spit nails. Last Sunday my husband and I ran into the wife of a couple that used to minister with us, as we were leaving our former church her husband was going on staff as security. When the church approached him with the job offer they told him, he was such a spirit lead man that it would be a great blessing to the body for him to be on staff.
Over the past several months the husband has had nothing but trouble from the administration staff at the church. It started off by him being told that he could no longer bring his bible to church while he was working because he was opening it too much, and that he needed to stop taking calls on his cell phone while working, the majority of those calls were people asking for prayer. When he asked if his work was not getting done they told him his work performance was fine but that he needed to stop reading his bible while working. Okay so he stopped bringing his bible to church, and only takes the occasional phone call from his wife and then keeps the conversation to a minimum. Then he was pulled into the office a short time later and was told to stop praying for those in need that sought him out during his working hours, it was his gift of prayer that lead them to offer him the job in the first place. They told him if he continued to pray for people during working hours, they would have him work 40 hours but only pay him for 35. Trying to be an obedient servant, he started meeting people after working hours in the court yard at church. He was then called into the office and was told he can no longer pray for people on the church property, that he must meet them down the street at the local Starbucks. They ended the last meeting by asking him if anyone had offered to pray for him lately, he responded that no one had, and then neither did they.
What the heck is going on here, you can’t minister to people at church. I guess the local coffee shop is the place to go to if you wants spiritual help.
The wife doesn’t understand how she can hear such loving preaching on Sunday, and experience such the opposite in their dealing with the staff. We told her to consider that the Senior Pastor sets the tone for the church.
jlo, just a random guess here – it sounds like someone on that staff has a relative that needs a job 🙁
Psalms, perhaps. My first thought was the “pastors” are jealous that the people are wanting to pray with the Security personal and not with the “pastors”.
That dude ought to start his own church!!!
London, agreed. I’ve often thought that this man and my husband would make an amazing ministry team. Their gifts complement each other like nothing I’ve never seen. Praying that the Lord would do an amazing thing through the two of them.
jlo,
sad story. sounds more like a business than a church. my advice to your friend: move on.
Centorian, same advice we gave them, and others that seek us out regarding this kind of thing. Most stay, this particular church/pastor, has a strange hold on people. Even those that break away, more often than not end up coming back and being hurt again.
Some people do have a strange ability to manipulate and control….. Some of them are pastors, in my case currently it is a woman who left our church but continues to exercise her influence. Recently lost a family and I believe her whisperings contributed. Unfortunately, a person usually endures much from the one who manipulates them until they finally are pushed beyond their limit, and then the cork pops off………
I think controlling others is easier in the church. All we have to do is sound spiritual enough, long enough, and people will eat out of our hands, particularly if you are a pastor.
James 3:1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.
“The wife doesn’t understand how she can hear such loving preaching on Sunday, and experience such the opposite in their dealing with the staff. We told her to consider that the Senior Pastor sets the tone for the church.”
I won’t type what I really want to say about this….. but, anyone can talk about love… We found it so strange that this woman who was in our church would pray such encouraging prayers for unitiy and love within our body on Sunday morning prayer times and then poison the well in the things she would say about my wife and I.
James 3:11 Does a spring send forth fresh [water] and bitter from the same opening?
and jlo……
the other thing to consider is that there in fact may be a “pecking order” within the staff that the senior knows nothing about. It’s not unusual in a large church to see a staffer try and build their own kingdom…
What is up with that “strange hold on people” thing? And … even more puzzling to me is why some that do get out … end up going back? It seems so odd … bizarre even. What is the appeal??? Do people want to be manipulated??? It seems so. Just can’t figure why. 🙄
nancy,
I think some people find a certain comfort in someone else doing the driving for them……. Perhaps they understand their own depravity all too well and do not see themselves as worthy to stand before God without a human sheild.
Centorian, wise counsel. I’ve often wondered how much the senior pastors knows. He says one thing in staff meetings and “others” do things contrary to what he says. I keep coming back to, does he really know. There is ego there with the other pastors, my husband and I experienced it first hand. We experienced it with the senion pastor also. Thus my comment that the senior pastor sets the tone. I just don’t have an unbiased opionion at this point, we have been through too much. All I know is that whatever they are doing, we continue to pray for the pastoral staff.
I’m sorry to hear that you and your wife are experiencing poison on the other end. Praying that the Lord keeps you and yours close to His heart. Thank you for offering a balanced view of the situation.
Nancy, the appeal I think is in part a belonging, we all want to belong on some level. The other thing is there is a big monetary reward granted to those who go along to get along. Sad but true. And as Centorian said, there is comfort in letting someone else do the driving. It’s much easier to let another do our thinking for us, then we are not responsible for our own actions.
Men can seek to control my behavior within the temporal. Jesus Christ seeks to penetrate my heart and alter my character for eternity. IMO that is why we are vulnerable to those who are shrewd and successful in exercising power rather than walking in the love of authority.
Jesus Christ creates true community. Shrewd men barter what God has created as a commodity and seek to control who has access to and regulate how they participate in that community.
Good points Cent, Jlo & Vic … all good points. Thanks for answering my ranting. It’s so frustrating to me at times … I guess my brain functions so differently even in my insecurities that I just can’t get a grip of the mentality that causes people to continue to support this kinda stuff. I see the solution too clearly … and know the abuse only continues because it has such a strong support system. Average people have more power than they realize. Ohhh … how I pray that power would be used more wisely.