This week I received a call from my wife while on the road.
She told me the police had called her and said they were looking for one of my sons and believed he may have “committed suicide.” Indicating his girlfriend stated he may of been suicidal.
They found his car with the keys still in the ignition, his wallet and cell phone. Along with eyewitnesses who said they saw him walk through an orchard towards the river. They planned to employ the use of a cadaver dog to search for him.
Nothing could have prepared me for the instantaneous, traumatic and emotional reaction that surfaced within me at that moment. It was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in my life, and to be honest, I’m having a hard time now trying to express it.
This son has struggled with addiction for years. He’s been incarcerated and has borne the consequential brunt of choices he’s made.
But he’s still my son and I love him…
I was under the illusion I had built up an expectational firewall in my mind in defense of what I realize can happen to someone that lives a life of drug addiction and the exporsure to the obvious risks. That the firewall would somehow protect me psychologically.
You know, almost like a pre-grieving state of what you know could be coming.
I was wrong. I was shaken to my very core and touched the edge of Sheol itself experientially.
Within the hour of the horrible report my wife called me back to inform me they had found him alive.
I would have thought that the level of joy and relief would have at least been equal experientially to the grief I had just moments before experienced.
It wasn’t though…
What that tells me about our human experience and condition, I’m not sure.
I’m still processing the whole encounter and am aware of an emotional scar that I’ve been inflicted with, that my never, until they lay me down and close my eyes, go away.
Pastor Greg Laurie lost his son and described his experience in much the same way you have when it comes to your feelings.
There is a Biblical statement:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Taken from second Corinthians One:three and Four
So blessed that your son was found alive.
And that you now understand how Greg Laurie felt and are capable of compassion for anyone who has gone through much the same.
You can comfort them.
I am sure your typed words will help someone in need of comfort.
Like the water that has passed the mill wheel and can no longer turn it…
So is the emotional scar that passes with time.
Jesus is our “All in All.”
He is the “All Becoming One.”
He becomes what we need in each and every circumstance of our lives.
Jesus Name above all names.
In Hebrews 12 Jesus is the Pioneer and perfecter of our faith.
Jesus Mediator and Intercessor.
Jesus the Head of the Church and the head of the Body which is the Church.
Jesus the Corner Stone, Shrine, and Temple.
Several places in Scripture there are architectural images given to describe our Lord.
Jesus The Physician
The Healer and The Physician.
Jesus the All Becoming one is for us and never against us who have been redeemed by His shed blood.
Believing these things still does not preclude us from the trauma we experience in the midst of these things.
As I’ve been trying to process this emotional scaring, I’ve thought about those who have been betrayed in some way. Through sexual abuse, infidelity, emotional and psychological manipulation etc. The experience is real and cannot be underestimated.
It seems that death is the ultimate betrayal of our existence as humans though. It is the full extension and outworking of the human experience. Something that God himself never intended for us.
Yet, even in death Christ was found. Having himself suffered the most humiliating of all our experiences.
But once again scriptures declares, he (Jesus) endured the cross, despising the shame…
There is something in all of this that is connected to that term, “shame”.
I will continue I’m sure for some time to process it.
JoelG – I am the king of the old cassettes.
I have about 1500 that I recorded off the radio back in the 80s / early 90s – that I am in the process of converting to MP3
250 hours of the old White Horse Inn
600 hours of Dennis Prager hosting Religion on the Line, before he was a political commentator.
Another 600 hours of a local show John Stewart did here in SoCal titled Let’s Talk About the Bible and later Bible on the Line.
Also from the radio at least another 700 hours of Greg Koukl from Stand to Reason.
About 6 yrs ago I tossed probably 10,000 tapes. These were all before the easy life of podcasts. I am sure I will be dead before I finish all the conversions.
This is what happens when a conspiracy theorist becomes president…all his far-right wacko buddies are crawling out of the woodwork. Including his radio brain trust.
Scooter, thank you for opening your heart here… praying your soul does now find its rest in Christ as you continue on to persevere in prayer for your boy (he’ll always be that, eh?)
the biggest take-away any of us can have from reading what you’ve related is, that in order to offer us redemption, God held back and watched His son die – even as Jesus cried out, “My God, why have You forsaken me?” … the love that passes understanding
I probably dislike the President more than anyone here x 2.
However, the Bible says we are to respect that office.
We also should respect those who voted for him.
So, address those issues you have with the President, but let’s do so with the respect that Scripture demands.
It’s not easy for me either…
bob1, will we the people ever be mature enough to sit back and watch the power players jockey and struggle for dominance without pretending that we know more than we do?
pray that the the ones who take the high road win and that is not necessarily the ones that claim they’re on the high road
The Bush’s, the Clinton’s, Obama, and probably Trump by this point have each had their turn at saving people and hurting people. I’ve had my turn at foolishly speaking ill of each.
Now that I know how dumb I am I can honestly say, simply, from a simpleton’s perspective, we don’t see, read, or hear what those ministers he has allowed to be in office hear. We don’t see read or hear what their filtering hires and appointees hear. A lot of it is true, a lot of it is hype, a lot of it is of the lie. Thank heaven for blissful ignorance and clear vision towards faith and repentance. All their dirty laundry comes out in the wash. The world waves worse and worse. As someone has said of Obama and Hillary, if they aren’t influenced by our prayers, they’ll be influenced by something else.
Most of us will be blessed in the end to survive with our lives, our families, and our health should the Lord tarry. What was it Jude said?
I very possibly met Roman Zaragoza-Sanchez in the 90’s, possibly knew him. I purchased large amounts of nursery inventory, and do remember the names of the nursery where he worked. Some of the workers were transient but others very long term employees.
SJ – wrong John Stewart. This one is Don Stewart’s brother.
He had a 10 year run as a weekend show – 3 to 6 hours a weekend and for several years had a daily show on both KBRT and KKLA.
It was Q&A
If the other John Stewart had a Bible show, I am sure he would have said it was BS 🙂
I would be a little hesitant in mocking as a conspiracy theory the latest discussions concerning FISA warrants and the like…Unless the NY Times and others are part of the right wing wackos
I wish Obama luck with the non denial, denial. The real world doubts Loretta Lynch was simply a loose cannon running amock on her own, and notes there is no denial that the wiretapping took place.
Not a good week for Obama to shack up with his chief advisor to “plot the resistance “. What ex President does that?
Obama Derangement Syndrome continues on! Despite the fact that O is no longer pres. Doesn’t matter if you don’t care about the facts, I guess.
“Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper addressed President Trump’s claim that Trump Tower was wiretapped before his election victory, telling NBC’s ‘Meet the Press’ that, under his watch, ‘there was no such wiretap activity mounted against the president-elect at the time, as a candidate, or against his campaign.’ When asked by ‘Meet the Press’ host Chuck Todd if he could confirm or deny a FISA court order existed for Trump Tower, Clapper declared, ‘I can deny it.'”
Scooter,
Your harrowing experience was brutal and I’m sure you’re still reeling from it. Thankfully, there is a reprieve and I trust your son will find the help he needs. While there is life, there is hope. May good come from your pain. Peace to you and your family.
It’s all yours today…
These are exceedingly troubling times for some of us.
It is very easy to be thrown off balanced into fear and despair.
The tool I’m using to keep my eyes on Jesus is praying the Daily Office.
There are prayers in the morning,at midday and the evening.
If these are the first thing and the last thing you do in your day, it helps keep you on the narrow path.
I commend this site to you…you can even have an Anglican priest lead you audibly by clicking the play button.
http://thetrinitymission.org
This does not make us safer…it makes us cruel.
http://www.opb.org/news/article/oregon-immigrant-deport-criminal-background-children/
This week I received a call from my wife while on the road.
She told me the police had called her and said they were looking for one of my sons and believed he may have “committed suicide.” Indicating his girlfriend stated he may of been suicidal.
They found his car with the keys still in the ignition, his wallet and cell phone. Along with eyewitnesses who said they saw him walk through an orchard towards the river. They planned to employ the use of a cadaver dog to search for him.
Nothing could have prepared me for the instantaneous, traumatic and emotional reaction that surfaced within me at that moment. It was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced in my life, and to be honest, I’m having a hard time now trying to express it.
This son has struggled with addiction for years. He’s been incarcerated and has borne the consequential brunt of choices he’s made.
But he’s still my son and I love him…
I was under the illusion I had built up an expectational firewall in my mind in defense of what I realize can happen to someone that lives a life of drug addiction and the exporsure to the obvious risks. That the firewall would somehow protect me psychologically.
You know, almost like a pre-grieving state of what you know could be coming.
I was wrong. I was shaken to my very core and touched the edge of Sheol itself experientially.
Within the hour of the horrible report my wife called me back to inform me they had found him alive.
I would have thought that the level of joy and relief would have at least been equal experientially to the grief I had just moments before experienced.
It wasn’t though…
What that tells me about our human experience and condition, I’m not sure.
I’m still processing the whole encounter and am aware of an emotional scar that I’ve been inflicted with, that my never, until they lay me down and close my eyes, go away.
Scooter,
praying for both of you…I wouldn’t be able to function.
Michael, thank you.
Scooter,
Praying for you and your son, that he receives help and hope.
Lord, have mercy on Scooter and his family.
Scooter,
Pastor Greg Laurie lost his son and described his experience in much the same way you have when it comes to your feelings.
There is a Biblical statement:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Taken from second Corinthians One:three and Four
So blessed that your son was found alive.
And that you now understand how Greg Laurie felt and are capable of compassion for anyone who has gone through much the same.
You can comfort them.
I am sure your typed words will help someone in need of comfort.
Like the water that has passed the mill wheel and can no longer turn it…
So is the emotional scar that passes with time.
Jesus is our “All in All.”
He is the “All Becoming One.”
He becomes what we need in each and every circumstance of our lives.
Jesus Name above all names.
In Hebrews 12 Jesus is the Pioneer and perfecter of our faith.
Jesus Mediator and Intercessor.
Jesus the Head of the Church and the head of the Body which is the Church.
Jesus the Corner Stone, Shrine, and Temple.
Several places in Scripture there are architectural images given to describe our Lord.
Jesus The Physician
The Healer and The Physician.
Jesus the All Becoming one is for us and never against us who have been redeemed by His shed blood.
He is what we all so desperately need.
Thank you.
I have thought much about Filbertz and Greg Laurie these past couple of days. I can relate and empathize much more having gone through this.
God can always be found in the midst of our sorrows and human experience. Often it just takes time to see him.
Jesus is our high priest who has been touched by the feeling of our infirmity. He demonstrated such at the tomb of Lazarus.
Jesus wept…
John 11:35
That passage in John 11 shows just how much God through Christ has entered the human experience.
John describes Jesus’ reactions as, “deeply moved…greatly troubled…Jesus wept.”
That expresses far more than just a God who is far removed and inattentive to our condition.
I love it when we are on the same page!
It is very apparent that you get it and understand fully brother.
Your a blessing.
The humanity of Christ as our friend and brother.
So I am doing something I have never done before – I am throwing away books. I committed to my wife to dump 200 this weekend alone.
Plus I will pack up another 1000 cassette tapes to toss out with next weeks trash.
It’s not easy to part with them.
Oh Scooter…so sorry you went through that. Praying for your son, you, and your whole family….may He comfort you and show your son the path…
Believing these things still does not preclude us from the trauma we experience in the midst of these things.
As I’ve been trying to process this emotional scaring, I’ve thought about those who have been betrayed in some way. Through sexual abuse, infidelity, emotional and psychological manipulation etc. The experience is real and cannot be underestimated.
It seems that death is the ultimate betrayal of our existence as humans though. It is the full extension and outworking of the human experience. Something that God himself never intended for us.
Yet, even in death Christ was found. Having himself suffered the most humiliating of all our experiences.
But once again scriptures declares, he (Jesus) endured the cross, despising the shame…
There is something in all of this that is connected to that term, “shame”.
I will continue I’m sure for some time to process it.
Scooter, our love and prayers go up for you.
What’s a cassette tape MLD? 😉
Lord have mercy on Scooter and family.
JoelG – I am the king of the old cassettes.
I have about 1500 that I recorded off the radio back in the 80s / early 90s – that I am in the process of converting to MP3
250 hours of the old White Horse Inn
600 hours of Dennis Prager hosting Religion on the Line, before he was a political commentator.
Another 600 hours of a local show John Stewart did here in SoCal titled Let’s Talk About the Bible and later Bible on the Line.
Also from the radio at least another 700 hours of Greg Koukl from Stand to Reason.
About 6 yrs ago I tossed probably 10,000 tapes. These were all before the easy life of podcasts. I am sure I will be dead before I finish all the conversions.
A few weeks ago I had a race with a train…
MLD
I feel your pain… going through files, teaching notes and bookcases for this last month.
Gotta love the latest with President Man-boy.
This is what happens when a conspiracy theorist becomes president…all his far-right wacko buddies are crawling out of the woodwork. Including his radio brain trust.
Like, Obama bugging Trump Towers. Tee-hee.
Scooter, thank you for opening your heart here… praying your soul does now find its rest in Christ as you continue on to persevere in prayer for your boy (he’ll always be that, eh?)
the biggest take-away any of us can have from reading what you’ve related is, that in order to offer us redemption, God held back and watched His son die – even as Jesus cried out, “My God, why have You forsaken me?” … the love that passes understanding
God keep
bob1,
I probably dislike the President more than anyone here x 2.
However, the Bible says we are to respect that office.
We also should respect those who voted for him.
So, address those issues you have with the President, but let’s do so with the respect that Scripture demands.
It’s not easy for me either…
bob1, will we the people ever be mature enough to sit back and watch the power players jockey and struggle for dominance without pretending that we know more than we do?
pray that the the ones who take the high road win and that is not necessarily the ones that claim they’re on the high road
Eric
You’re like the white John Henry
I remember when I could run like that…
*sigh*
The Bush’s, the Clinton’s, Obama, and probably Trump by this point have each had their turn at saving people and hurting people. I’ve had my turn at foolishly speaking ill of each.
Now that I know how dumb I am I can honestly say, simply, from a simpleton’s perspective, we don’t see, read, or hear what those ministers he has allowed to be in office hear. We don’t see read or hear what their filtering hires and appointees hear. A lot of it is true, a lot of it is hype, a lot of it is of the lie. Thank heaven for blissful ignorance and clear vision towards faith and repentance. All their dirty laundry comes out in the wash. The world waves worse and worse. As someone has said of Obama and Hillary, if they aren’t influenced by our prayers, they’ll be influenced by something else.
Most of us will be blessed in the end to survive with our lives, our families, and our health should the Lord tarry. What was it Jude said?
Thank you again.
We’re obviously not out of the woods yet. Prayer for my son is appreciated.
“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18
@ 2
I very possibly met Roman Zaragoza-Sanchez in the 90’s, possibly knew him. I purchased large amounts of nursery inventory, and do remember the names of the nursery where he worked. Some of the workers were transient but others very long term employees.
Oh scooter jones, I’m so sorry you had to go through that! You, your wife and son are in my prayers. Hugs
Surfer51, still praying for you
Big brother always praying for you!
@18 John Stewart of former Daily Show fame?? What did he have to say on his bible show?
SJ – wrong John Stewart. This one is Don Stewart’s brother.
He had a 10 year run as a weekend show – 3 to 6 hours a weekend and for several years had a daily show on both KBRT and KKLA.
It was Q&A
If the other John Stewart had a Bible show, I am sure he would have said it was BS 🙂
I would be a little hesitant in mocking as a conspiracy theory the latest discussions concerning FISA warrants and the like…Unless the NY Times and others are part of the right wing wackos
Thanks Dusty!
presidents can’t order wiretaps
So…depends what the meaning of the word, is, is….
I wish Obama luck with the non denial, denial. The real world doubts Loretta Lynch was simply a loose cannon running amock on her own, and notes there is no denial that the wiretapping took place.
Not a good week for Obama to shack up with his chief advisor to “plot the resistance “. What ex President does that?
Obama Derangement Syndrome continues on! Despite the fact that O is no longer pres. Doesn’t matter if you don’t care about the facts, I guess.
“Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper addressed President Trump’s claim that Trump Tower was wiretapped before his election victory, telling NBC’s ‘Meet the Press’ that, under his watch, ‘there was no such wiretap activity mounted against the president-elect at the time, as a candidate, or against his campaign.’ When asked by ‘Meet the Press’ host Chuck Todd if he could confirm or deny a FISA court order existed for Trump Tower, Clapper declared, ‘I can deny it.'”
Source:NBC News
Bob1 might want to go back and review NYT front page story from January 20, 2017. Should be easy to find with a simple google search.
Scooter,
Your harrowing experience was brutal and I’m sure you’re still reeling from it. Thankfully, there is a reprieve and I trust your son will find the help he needs. While there is life, there is hope. May good come from your pain. Peace to you and your family.
filbertz, thank you.
As more detail had emerged, the suicide aspect of the story turns out to be somewhat of a ruse. Which adds a layer of betrayal upon me in a sense.
However, my son’s need for deliverance from his addiction is ever present as was witnessed by my wife and I on Saturday.
Again, thank you all for your support and prayer.