Prayer & Praise: 11/12/2023

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6 Responses

  1. BrianD says:

    I need prayer. Maybe I need someone to pray on my behalf.
    Before you start, I’ve heard all the admonitions on how you approach God and how you’re supposed to live, think and act.
    I work in a call center for a telecommunications corporation.
    At times it seems like I’m starting to ‘get’ the job, and that I can even be good at it.
    At times it seems like my soul is dying one call, one angry customer, one harsh response from management at a time.
    I don’t know if I can do this job. I also know I am capable of doing it.
    I don’t know if I can handle another angry caller. I know I have handled them before.
    I don’t know if I will walk out of here at the next harsh comment. I also know I have no safety net.
    I can’t tell my family, because mom will get anxious and upset and the family and her friends will want me to quit and be with her. Some of them don’t want me to work this job, they want me working some mythical job that pay great and has great benefits and you can work from home all the time and be with mother and attend to her and the company will be perfectly fine with it every single time. That’s impractical.
    I dread going to work.
    Usually I would say that’s a surefire sign someone should’nt be there, but right now I don’t know if that’s true of me.
    I feel like I need to toughen up, and if I stick with it I’ll get good enough to find a way to do the job well, to where I can get better pay, benefits like work from home, and potentially to move to another department and possibly off the phones.
    I’m pretty sure I have depression. I know I have anger issues. I know i feel inadequate, and I feel alone and don’t really trust anyone, even my own family, and certainly not anyone at work.
    I feel like I’m in a dark place, not as dark as I could be, but dark enough. If I speak about it to anyone in my charismatic, spiritfilled family, I’ll be told the standard answers which DO NOT AND WILL NOT WORK IN REAL LIFE.
    I’m frustrated, I’m miserable, I just want the day to end and the weekend to arrive. I’m happiest when I’m alone and driving around nature.
    Right now I’m in a dark place and it’s starting to come out of me no matter how much I try to hide it from everyone. I don’t want to go to some spirit-filled church and sit there four hours a day, I don’t want to watch Christian TV at all and I don’t want to listen. to the Bible app while I’m asleep.
    I just want to be happy. I’m not happy right now.

  2. Michael says:

    BrianD,

    I’m sorry you’re going through all this…sounds like it has a lot of layers.

    I stay at home taking care of mom 24/7…and it’s really difficult.
    We’re not particularly bonded so that makes it worse.

    I couldn’t work in customer service in this environment.
    Wouldn’t do it.

    I’m not sure that matters a much as other things you said.
    Anger issues and depression often require outside help.

    I don’t commend any of those religious activities to you.

    The big question if you are not happy…is what makes you happy?
    What do you like to do?

    How can you pursue those things?

    I’ll pray…but only you can answer those questions.

  3. Captain Kevin says:

    BrianD,
    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of these things. I will definitely be praying for you.

    I allowed my own anger and depression to go unchecked, and it ruined my marriage, my health, and cost me my career. Michael mentioned outside help. I was too proud to seek help. Now I live with the consequences daily. If there’s any way you can get help from a licensed counselor, it may be worth the cost.

  4. JD says:

    Praying for you Brian D that the Lord will open up an opportunity for you. In the interim reading through Psalms helps me deal with my personal troubles because David went through all kinds of stuff and God was with him through it all. Keep trusting and praying also putting yourself in His hands. You are God’s unique, special artwork and are being formed for His purposes.

  5. BrianD says:

    Michael, thanks.

    I don’t know how to answer those questions.

    I only know how to endure, one day at a time, and push away the demons that tempt me to end it all.

    I don’t know if this job will work out. I feel like the choice is mine. I’ve also always had the sense that any fulfillment in life will come separately from a job…work is simply a way to pay the bills.

    Can I do this job without &@$*ing things up for myself?

    Time will tell.

  6. Michael says:

    BrianD,

    My life hasn’t turned out the way I hoped it would.

    I’m dirt poor and soon will downsize even more than I have already.

    But…I do know what makes me happy and what brings me joy.

    That’s how I keep going.

    I love cats and I spend a lot of time with cats.

    Seems odd…but it works for me.

    I enjoy my books and Bibles and I love to learn.

    I enjoy sports…which may not make Matt Redmond happy, but I’m not Matt Redmond.

    Being old and having health issues…I enjoy still being here.

    I still have hope to do other things…but I mainly focus on right now.

    Learn what makes you happy…ask yourself what you need…those two questions are the most important you’ll ever answer.

    When you know those answers you can build around them…and then life has meaning.
    Work is to provide money to do what you want to do…

    What do you want to do?

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