Smokey

“Yet I am confident I will see the LORD’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.”

(Psalm 27:13 NLT-SE)

Smokey died in my arms last night, trusting and purring until his heart stopped beating.

His last breaths on earth were spent trying to comfort both of us, because that was what he always did.

That’s what friends do for friends, that’s what it means to be family.

I find no comfort.

Smokey and I were both trying to coax a couple more years out of our bodies together…the bond between old man and old cat was strong and vital for both.

He took ill suddenly…the doctor said that no matter how much I spent he would only live a short time and he would suffer at my attempts to save him…she couldn’t speak to my suffering if he was gone.

Some recoil at this kind of affection for a pet, more are disgusted by the grief I evidence when they pass.

I’ll tell the truth…I’ve never had a wife, never had much of a blood family…in short, few humans have considered me worthy of the kind of love and care that my cats have given.

The humans have probably judged rightly, but the cats have shown mercy.

I’ve never fit the mold…any mold.

That has been my choice and I have no regrets.

I’ve always lived outside with the strays and the strays have found me worthy.

When one of them dies, I Iose a friend and  part of the family closest to me.

You may feel whatever scorn suits you…it matters little to me.

I have little confidence that I will see the “goodness of God in the land of the living”.

I prayed for the goodness of God to heal my body so I could care for myself and my demented mother or maybe just heal the dementia and I prayed that He would please save my friend because I can’t handle what is on my plate already.

Instead, He allowed that which comforted me in all the other pain to die.

I don’t expect to see the goodness of God until I see God.

I have complete confidence that I will then.

In my last moments with Smokey I thanked him for all he had given and told him how much I loved him…how much many had loved him.

I choked out  “Lord, into thy hands I commit his spirit” and I promised to see him soon…and he was gone.

I thought I heard Miss Kitty greet him… “Smokey!!! How is our papa???”

Postscript:

Many of you have sent condolences, many of you are fellow strays in one way or another.

I thank you and bless you…you are the goodness of God in the land of the living.