TGIF
“We live in an age where the amount of daily information we receive that should enrage or grieve us far exceeds our capacity to bear it. Only God can bear all the sorrows of the world. We, on the other hand, have to choose what sorrows to bear. This is complicated, but true.”
Brian Zahnd
I had to take another ambulance ride last night… more heart issues.
As is my custom, I waited for the paramedics outside on the curb.
Smokey came out of his house and sat quietly beside me.
I had to make other calls to let my people know I may be unable to do the things that I normally do that are expected of me…Smokey simply was present, wanting nothing but for me to know he was there.
When I got to my feet to get in the ambulance,Smokey walked with me and then sat quietly observing it all as if making sure they were doing what needed to be done properly.
When I came back home he was sitting outside my door…keeping a watch until I returned.
His silent witness of friendship moves me more than it should…or maybe not as much as it should.
As the doctors and nurses sought to diagnose the reason for my racing pulse and erratic heart rhythm his presence at the curb still comforted me as I was thinking…thinking about what was happening and more so about the effects that what was happening would have on others.
I might not be able to get out in time to take T to work so his already overburdened mom would have to do so.
This was going to impact people and I was ashamed.
That’s when she showed up in the room.
Present.
I prefer to suffer alone, but have begun to realize that isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
I talked to T on the phone…it’s going to be alright….I never know if it’s going to be alright, but that’s what we both needed to hear me say.
I’ll share with you that I never for a moment thought about Joe Biden, Donald Trump, any social issue or political controversy.
I thought about my God and my my family, and whether I had loved both well…and if not… if I would be granted the time to do better.
They knocked me out, shocked me back into rhythm, and sent me home.
I did not have to call a cab…my own took me home.
I tell you all of this because some of you are carrying things that you were not meant to carry and you’ve had to drop other things…more important things… to bear the weight.
The world is a broken place.
You can’t fix it.
We are finite and oh, so mortal.
What we can do is be a witness to a greater love and we will always bless more with a simple presence than with anything else.
You mend the world by tending to what is closest to you.
Smokey did his part.
My family did theirs.
No one noticed but God…and me.
I get to pick T up from work…and that will be my holy contribution today to the healing of the world.
It’s not much, but it’s everything….and it’s what I can do.
I’m grateful I get to do so…and thankful that it matters to God that I do what I can… instead of trying to do what I can’t.
Make your own application…
I’m so sorry that you had that heart issue last night, but very thankful that it was resolved. I have been praying that somehow you would be able to have a better balance in your life of burdens–your own and other people’s. I just did not know where the answer lay, but I knew our Lord could show you what needed to happen and it sounds like He has. I am praising Him today. And I am thankful for all the comfort and support He sends your way when it is most needed.
Thank you, Nancy.
I’m learning accept my limitations and allow others to share in my life…I’m never going to be good at either, but He’s working on it…
Whether we realize it or not, we all need a Smokey. Glad you’re ok and continuing to pray for you.
Thank God for His family being our family, and for having a close family to minister to us in difficult times such as this. Surrender brings peace. Glad you’re doing better today Micheal.
Thank you, CK and JD…
Michael
A priest friend of mine, Victor Austin, has written a book, ‘Friendship: The Heart of Being Human’. I think friendships are also at the heart of the divine… ” I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
Stay safe and well… little did we know yesterday…
Duane,
That’s a great word…
I’m resting as much as I can… had no idea this was going to happen…
God bless you, Michael.
Thank you, Xenia…
The people who care about you-you often don’t know who they are! My school had some of our students on campus today for a field day (we are creeping into the realm of hybrid learning slowly), and one of the fifth graders (one of the grades I teach) had the office leave a handwritten note in my box:
…I miss meeting you in person at school. I wrote this note to check in on you…how are you doing…I really hope you are having a great day (with some additional details about how hard she is working on her Spanish).
This is a 10-year old I see twice a week on Zoom, but she has been taught to care for others. I was very touched, and I am going to write back to let her know I care about her, too.
Michael-I hope they get you up for your valve job soon. My step-mom had hospital “adventures” until she had hers done, and she has not had issues now. It has been amazing, especially because she is 83. Take care, and I’m praying they get to you soon!
Joining in the love and prayer here – God keep you, Michael
Michael- keeping you and yours in my prayers. You highlighted the little things in life that mean so much. It’s these expressions of love and friendship that keep us going each day. Thank you for showcasing them.
I will keep you in orayer, Michael. There is something so earth shaking about heat isdues. My husband had dizzy and fainting skills for a year and a half. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with him. Twice he passed out. Once we were walking out dogs and Looked back to see him passed out on the sidewalk and he got up bleeding. We went to Hawaii to visit our daughter and her family and he felt we the whole tine. The day after we returned to San Diego he couldn’t get up off the couch. It was a Friday, so I told him that he absolutely HAD to go see his family doctor before thecweekend. I drove him to the doctors and dropped him off, then left to go to my job at the community center where I worked tounload the pottery from the kiln for my ceramics students. I had only been at work for a few minutes when my husband called to say “You need to come back right now and drive me to the hospital – they’re putting in a pacemaker – now.” His heart rhythm was so slow they were shocked that he was even able to walk into the doctor’s office. It was an erratic slow heart beat, and after three EKG s, this was the first time they had been able to detect it. Within two hours they operated on him and gave him a pacemaker. He’s almost as good as new, but the entire long process of discovering what the problem was, and how serious it was, definitely has changed him. The reality is that ALL of our lives hang by a scarlet thread and it is God Himself who gave us life and who preserves our lives. I pray that you can receive your needed surgery soon, and that you can rest in Smokey’s live, and God’s.
Thanks for the kind words and comments.
I’ve read them all…just resting up so I can get busy again…
Michael,
In solidarity with you.
Count me in too.
I think i will carry in my mind for the rest of my life the picture of this man sitting on the curb, waiting for his ride to the emergency room with a loving black cat sitting by his side
Michael, my friend, I feel your pain and you’re constantly in my prayers too.
They had to shock me back when I was a week post-op, I had a-fib that wouldn’t quit.
More recently, I was having arrhythmia on many different occasions, and the episodes grew longer and longer. They finally had to do several ablations. Things have generally calmed, at least now the fast/erratic rhythms only last less than a minute. They are still trying to figure out my diminishing energy – some days I pretty much have to stay down.
And thank you for your good, good words you’ve given us in your post.
Thank you, Muff…Em, Smokey says hi…
Owen,
I’ll be praying…I hope they get it all under control for you.
This stuff is less than fun…