TGIF
I was sitting here at my desk working yesterday and had the strangest and scariest thought cross my mind.
It came out of somewhere in my brain I’m not familiar with.
“I’m happy’…was the thought.
It’s been so long since that was true that it startled me.
Then, it scared me.
Relaxing enough to feel happiness is not a luxury I’ve ever afforded myself much…because in my mind as soon as you feel happy something will happen to ruin that…proving you were a fool to be happy in the first place.
It’s best just to stay vigilant and moderately depressed…but this happy stuff feels kind of good.
I decided to accept this odd feeling, then immediately felt guilty about it.
I’m happy…my mom is not happy at all.
Things have worked out for me, not for her.
In reality, she will not be happier if I decide to be unhappy with her.
In John’s gospel it is recorded that Jesus approached a paralytic and asked him, “Would you like to get well?”
I’ve always thought that this was a silly question…of course the man would want to get well.
I know now it’s not silly at all.
The point of the story is that the man had become used to life lived in certain ways…he knew how to survive while being sick.
Getting healed would require a change…a pretty radical change in both his thoughts and actions.
Jesus offered him the gift…but the sick man would have to choose.
Jesus is offering me…and some folks reading here today…a choice.
Do you want to be happy…despite past experiences and traumas?
It will require some changes…some of us are comfortable in misery…
Choose wisely…He may not offer you the gift again…at least anytime soon.
Liam already has made his decision…be like Liam.
Make your own application…
I don’t know.
I have a therapist now, and the question has come up. I don’t see it happening, at least not for a long time. I don’t know what would make me happy aside from seeing my son grow. But even then, I am sad.
I have thought about getting a cat when I am financially independent again. To be honest, I desire that because it is something my wife loved, and I miss the purring and quiet companionship.
I don’t know. Want to be happy? Sure! Most days it feels like the day she died. If I can’t ever move past that, I don’t know what hope there is.
Reuben,
You’ve been through way too much for too long to consider the question unless God acts in a highly supernatural way.
Be patient with yourself…watching your son grow is a great goal…and getting a cat will help you get there.
It’s time for me to move forward…you may need a whole lot more time to heal…
My father-in-law, who was suffering from dementia, found himself in a very nice senior home, which he hated. He kept saying “I don’t like this hotel.”
Xenia,
My moms in a nice place too…hates it.
She’s making it tough on herself and all of us…
Michael,
I’m praying your mom finds something in her new place that makes her happy.
Happy for me is easy right now, but I do believe it places a responsibility for me to encourage others (as they have me when life has been tough). It’s amazing how much encouragement a smile or a kind word can bring someone when they are feeling g gloomy-even over an extended period of time.
I can’t speak for cats…sorry Michael….
but getting our first puppy 2 years ago has drastically improved our entire families happiness level!
Michael,
I enjoy reading (most of) your works but this one really touched me. For the past year or so, it’s been so difficult to be happy. It seems more “comfortable and safe” to be anything but happy.
Being happy seems to involve risk in that we fear it will go away with an additional slap to the face. At least it sure seems that way to me.
I can so relate to “discovering” happiness after a long, arduous journey when it was completely absent. Looking back on my experience, I would compare the journey to traveling a trail of tears – difficult and trying, but also necessary, to get to that place where God wants you to be. The circumstances may change along the way, but, always, and most importantly, we change in important ways also. Happiness is a rare gift in this life and you are so deserving of it, Michael! My mother had to be tricked into moving into an Alzheimer’s home, but eventually she adjusted and thrived there. My father, at age 91, had to leave my brother’s home and enter assisted living in Wisconsin. He was miserable! So I flew out there from California and stayed in Wisconsin for three weeks. I spent the whole time in his assisted living apt. There with him, even eating dinner with him in the assisted living dining room with him every night! By the time I left, he was settled in and happy there. It was a nice place, just 5 minutes from my brother’s house. Adjusting to assisted living is difficult, but, like most major life transitions, it’s worth it for everyone involved.
Linn,
Thank you for the prayers…my guess is that you are a great encourager…
jtk,
Part of my happiness is now having four cats…and a dog.
Pure joy to my soul…
Steven,
“Being happy seems to involve risk in that we fear it will go away with an additional slap to the face.”
It is a real risk…but it may well be worth taking.
Janet Linn, BrideofChrist,
I moved into a great situation (for me)…and it was still hard.
I hate change…especially as I get older.
All I can do is believe that God guided my actions for both of us..and He’ll bless them accordingly.
I’m happy to be happy.
I don’t give a rat’s ass what tomorrow brings.
It will bring what it brings.
I’ll enjoy my happiness and its precious moments in this here and in this now.
Michael, knowing that you’ve found happiness makes me smile.
There are a few things in my life that make me happy, but overall, I’m not there right now.
CK,
I’m not in a constant state of nirvana…but my outlook is more positive.
I think it started when my back issues did and I had to find something everyday to be grateful for…even when I had a lot going on that wasn’t good.
I hope you are blessed into a place where you can feel happy…even if in small moments.
Happiness can be thought of as a Christian virtue. “Happy are those who…”
I know that it has been “a dark night of the soul”, but morning eventually breaks through. Glad to be on the journey with you, Michael.
This makes my heart happy to read. God bless you, Michael as you begin a new season in life.
Duane,
You have been a large part of that blessing…
Nonnie,
Thank you, my friend!
Michael,
Very happy for you.
“…find something everyday to be grateful for…”
That’s what I need to be more consistent with. Thanks for the reminder.
CK,
As you know, I’m far from a saint…but I am genuinely grateful for my small circle and, of course, Liam.
I try to note that every day.
It makes me happy to read that you are surprised by happiness now.
It must be the dog (smile).
I’ve added to my pack and now have 4 dogs, and they are making me happy.
Michael,
Are curmudgeons allowed to be happy? You may be risking your membership in the club. 🙂
We curmudgeons may not be allowed to be happy. Then again, we rarely follow the rules.
Thanks, Michael. For the last year and a half my wife and I have been struggling through cancer with our 15 yr old. Thankfully, he’s in maintenance now and was able to go back to school for the last semester. He still has another 11 months of oral chemo, but it has become a routine in our house and isn’t stifling his activities that much.
What’s been hard, though, is coming out of that Survival Mode. Before we couldn’t make any plans because we had no idea how he would be from day-to-day. That’s so much better now, but my wife and I struggle to make any actual plans for the summer. Change can be hard, even when it’s change for the better.
EricL,
That’s such good news about your son!
I get the thing about change. I find myself stuck in a rut, even though I know there are some things I could do to improve my situation.
Thanks, Captain Kevin.
We are so thankful that he’s prognosis looks so good.
May you and I both find our way to climb out of that rut and do some of the good things that will improve our days.