Things I Think…
1.“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT-SE)
The holiday season is upon us…like a mugger in a dark alley.
Let me try that again…
Long time readers know that the holidays are difficult for me and this season will be the most difficult in many years.
Like many of you, I’ve endured loss upon loss this year and I’m just not up for a month and a half of pretending that this is the most wonderful time of the year.
It never has been for me…and I’m ok with that…I’m big on summer as being more wonderful, but to each his own.
Between the losses, the physical maladies , and seasonal depression this is going to be a rough sleigh ride to January.
I’ll make it through though…because I am grateful.
2. Strange as it sounds, I’ve always loved Thanksgiving, even when it didn’t love me back.
I love the smells, the colors, and the food.
Football…
I could eat turkey and cranberry sandwiches every day till Jesus comes and arrive in heaven with crumbs in my beard.
It’s the gathering with others to consume the food that has been my issue…I suppose you could say I’m very introverted, but the truth is that I greatly prefer the company of cats…and as a rule they like me better than people do.
Liam the Cat still hasn’t asked me who I voted for …
3. The last few years it’s been just me and mom and mom’s mind checked out long before her body did…I could hide my social dysfunction as I would pop in here for dinner and leave. Now, I live here…and this house loves the holidays. No place to run, no place to hide…
I have to get ready to survive myself… and not put a damper on other people’s joy.
So…here is my guide for getting through…and being thankful.
4. Organize your space. Clean up your living quarters. Your space will reflect your state of mind and vice versa. I spent some of the weekend putting everything in its place, doing all my laundry and making my environment the best it can be. Give yourself every chance to feel better about something…
5. Be ok with not being ok. You don’t have to explain or justify your feelings to anyone…you can choose to, of course, but you’re under no obligation.You’re entitled to how you feel…
6. Be ready to extend grace to others, just as you want to receive it. Happy people annoy me…but bless them anyway…
7. Be genuinely happy for those who enjoy the season…it will help you overcome your woe…
8. If you are giving gifts, get it all done as early as possible…don’t add to your anxiety by waiting until the last minute…
9. Be intentional about self care…do the things you need to do to keep yourself grounded…
10. Thank God…for some…thing. Daily. Multiple times daily. Your soul will help your heart if you do…
I need number 10.
#5…interesting in that I read somewhere today that one’s struggles/pain/losses don’t HAVE to be shared with others…not just talking about social media, but just in general. I used to work with an annoying guy that would belt out “Dan, you ok?” or “What’s up Dan?” around my other co-workers if he sensed I was not “chipper” or “happy”. You know what oh annoying one IT’S NONE OF YOUR EFFEN BUSINESS!!!!
Holidays are a two-edged sword here. In one sense, I like the season, but also can’t wait for it to end. Wife struggles with this season with no parents left.
I always say “fine”…in a way that indicates further prying will not be welcomed…
I invited again to my ex-laws for Thanksgiving. After my mom passed a few years ago and friends moved away, I have nowhere to go. I have no problem Hermitting it with me and Big Puppy. Though everyone knows you never go full hermit. I’ve let go the every other year holidays according to the court order because the kids should be with family.
Not playing Christmas music this year again and that’s ok. What makes it difficult is only playing them once a year.
No family left out here to see so we’re going to try another local church and hopefully they are as welcoming as they say they are.
I am hoping for a little prayer and encouragement. It’s nice to watch the livestream to get a glimpse of what to expect ahead of time.
it is amazing how organizing and straightening out my stuff really helps my frame of mind.
Wishing you a peaceful, pleasant and joyous Thanksgiving! You can always have the “ joy of the Lord” in your heart wherever you are… even in the wilderness.
This time last year, I had lost everything to drink. Everything. I was in a rehab facility stressing about winding up on the streets. Indeed I wound up on the streets. Rock bottom. Christmas was spent in a homeless shelter.
I am grateful this year because I get to spend Thanksgiving with my son and the family that takes care of him. I have a roof over my head at a work program facility, a warm bed, regular food, and a job to make some money. I am saving to afford first month’s rent and security deposit.
Drink took 13 years of my life, my wife’s life, my son’s life. When my wife died, I was intentionally going to drink myself to death. I ran out of money, and that is the only thing that saved me.
I have no clue what the future holds, like what kind of job I will get to afford to live here. I don’t make enough money now to afford anything, but I can’t go back to my old job because it was associated with being drunk, and nobody cared as long as I got my work done well. I grew to hate that work anyway.
My long term at this point is to be in a position where I can take care of a cat.
I am so grateful that I get to see my son, because God knows I lost that right.
Did a wedding for my ‘daughter’ Saturday. Her father sent her to be my intern 2015 when he was in hospice. A few months later he died. She became mine. Saturday I officiated her wedding on the same day and hour that I eulogized my only son one year ago. It was beautiful and not spoiled by sorrow. Four generations of our family traveled together and rejoiced and remembered together. Life is sacred and death is as Isaiah and Paul proclaimed ‘swallowed up in victory’
Today I deal with news of my 94 yr old mother’s lymphoma. Soon she will be forced from her home of 63 years. My whole life has been identified with her and that sacred space. Mother is stoic, without much expression. “This too will pass” is her gospel.
Yes all things will pass and a river flows from the throne, and the one who sits there has promised. So gratefulness is accessible — through the tears
TNV, JD…praying you find a space that brings some joy this year…
Xenia,
The more ordered my space is, the more ordered my mind is…very odd, but true.
Elena,
Good to hear from you, my friend…hope for a blessed holiday season for you!
Reuben,
Relieved to know you’re spending Thanksgiving with your boy.
Praying someday that you will be able to have a cat take care of you…a wonderful goal.
Alan,
I am finding the loss of both person and place daunting…my mother couldn’t accept it at all.
It feels like the slow erasure of my time and place with no marker that I have ever been…still, I’m grateful that someday all that mattered will be again…
I’m very thankful this year because I still have two sons. For almost 2 years, my 15 yr old has been battling cancer and it now looks good. He has another 6 months of daily chemo pills and then he’s done. With tears in my eyes, I’m so thankful for that.
I’m also embarrassed at how I’ve neglected myself during this time. We took a family tour of a college last Saturday. (Glad to be even thinking about college for my high schooler.) It was a hilly campus that showed my neglect. I am so out of shape and overweight, that I was huffing and puffing with every incline.
Thanksgiving is hard for my wife and I because we used to have huge family gatherings around my mother, but since her passing 5 years ago, my siblings and I have drifted apart. My sisters are now the matriarchs of their own families and my brother moved halfway across the country. My wife and I miss the family gatherings, but try our best to make Thanksgiving special for our boys in other ways.
Michael-I will be praying you through the season! It can be challenging for so many reasons. As a college student I was “shared” by both sides of my dysfunctional family. I always had a book with me so I could disappear for a few minutes. Now, most of those people are gone and a few times I’ve had Thanksgiving with my cat. Not too bad, by the way!
I love the music, church (I’m singing in the Christmas choir this year-first choir since COVI). working on organizing things at home, and school stuff. I am thankful I don’t “have to” shoulder all the family drama anymore. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them, but I don’t need to participate in most of it. My dad’s care is a different issue, but I choose my battles carefully.
It’s dinner with my niece and the fun and raucous Indian side of her family. I’m looking forward to some spicy curried lentils with the turkey!
EricL,
You have every reason to give thanks and rejoice…we rejoice with you that your son has whipped cancer.
Praying for your family…no doubt you are all grateful, but exhausted.
Linn,
Thank you…I’m focused on making the best of it…just as you are.
I’ll have four cats to hang with when the humans become too much…
Over here it’s “over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go” and I’m the grandmother. I have four home-made pies in the oven at the moment (pecan, pumpkin and peach). After cleaning up the colossal mess in the kitchen I am worn out because I am getting OLD. Old but happy.
In our family we have a Marxist and a red-neck and everything in between, mostly left-leaning. At our meal, politics and culture-war stuff never comes up. It’s like we all individually decided that having a brother or a sister, son or daughter, aunt or uncle, is more important than talking about politics. Of course, our household is quite religious with icons and prayer books and what-not all over and we do pray before meals but they all tolerate it pretty well.
Cats. Well, I prefer dogs. But our fat orange cat, Mr. Noodles, is the grandchildren’s favorite and he also demonstrates commendable tolerance.
We had our yearly Thanksgiving dinner at church Sunday. I am one of the most American Americans at the parish so I kind of oversee the whole thing. It is fun to watch Russian and other Europeans try to figure out the traditional Thanksgiving dishes. They look at a casserole of candied yams and say “What is? What is?” I know they are thinking “Where are beets? Where are beets?”
Now for Christmas we celebrate Dec 25 with the non-Orthodox relatives, with presents and all. It’s still Advent in our world so secular Christmas dinner is salmon. January 7 is the real deal and we will be spending the day, after Liturgy, at the home of our priest’s family. Now this family has, at last count, 25 grandchildren under age 18 (maybe more) and many of them come so it is wild! I love it, every minute of it. My godchildren are there so there’s presents for them plus I usually bring a very Nordic pagan-looking Yule log that I make, chocolate with whipped cream filling, and decorated with wood-land animal cookies and holly. I also bring BBQ chicken because the truth is, Russians like American food. So there! What’s not to like!
I’ll bore you all with my Christmas knitting projects at another time.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and thank you for allowing me to participate here even though I know I am aggravating.
Love,
Xenia
EricL,
Look into carnivore. It is a remarkable way to see significant weight loss with minimal stress. No calorie counting, no portion management and it alleviates the feeling of constant hunger. The protein and fat satiates the appetite. Virtually every objection people raise has a reasonable response. I did a 40 day challenge with 4 strangers — made friends and have lost 50 lbs. when you reach your goal transfer to keto and stabilize. I’m on day 144. Haven’t done it perfectly but keep bouncing back after slip ups.
You weren’t asking but I feel you.
Carnivore Dread
Another thing we do for the Thanksgiving meal is set a photo of our sorely missed daughter Rachel who has been gone (breast cancer) for three years now. We place her photo at the head of the table. The flowers on the table are taken to her grave. Rachel, we miss you so much.
The Thanksgiving three years ago, we all knew it was the last Thanksgiving with her. We moved the table into the living room so she could sit on the couch and participate, best she could. She passed away a few days later. Memory eternal, dear Rachel Grace.
I was splitting and stacking wood this morning and I recalled Thanksgiving when I was in Mississippi for tech school. The best I can recall, I spent the day by myself, eventually going to the dining hall for a turkey dinner. I remember the Airman’s club was closed, so I didn’t get to drink anything. I was too tired and too hungover to walk off-base to the bars I used to frequent. One year later, I drove all night to So Cal and the day after Thanksgiving, my son’s mom and I made it official. The next night, I had to make the 400-mile drive back to the base to be at work the next morning.
Dread,
Thanks for the recommend. I appreciate you, brother.
Reuben,
I have the utmost respect for people who can complete a recovery program and get back to a “whole” way of living. I came to a recovery program many years ago after realizing that I couldn’t control my sister’s addiction, but I could do good by her kids. 30 years later, we are all doing well, except I continue to pray for my sister to come to faith. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and a cat in the New Year (if not before). Felix, my kitty, says you can always volunteer at a shelter while you are waiting for that perfect fuzzy companion.
Xenia,
I think the flowers for Rachel is a lovely and profound remembrance.
This year will be a test of tolerance…there will be much MAGA around the table.
I’m hoping charity will overrule political crowing…
I will spend thanksgiving night at work away from my wife, who will be alone (tentatively).
Just remember, folks. Just because you are thinking something doesn’t mean you have to say it! If tempted, just fill your mouth with a large forkful of mashed potatoes.
Pray that my wife can have some comfort Thanksgiving night and someone would bless her that evening.
Praying for both of you, Dan.
Alan–praying for your mother, God’s grace and mercy on all. Your words bespeak great love and respect for her.
Michael–too many of your ten thoughts also roost with me. Oh oh.
Self care is undervalued in the faith community and therefore under practiced. We still struggle with loving ourselves as a wellspring of loving others. Hope we can do better.
Fil,
Great minds…
Self care is vital…especially under stress and duress…
X,
much grace to you in your grief. Your tribute is sweet.
Thank you Michael!
Thank you, fil. I know you understand.
Xenia-
I love your tribute to Rachel. Say hello to the rest of your children and to your hubby as you gather.
I appreciate you and your family.
Thanks, Victorious. You actually knew Rachel in person, I believe.
Xenia, your comments do not bore me.
You’re opinionated, and stand up for what you believe in.
I like that, even if we disagree on a point here and there.
Thank you Muff Potter!
Thank you fil