Whatever Happened to Spiritual Formation? (Part Two): Duane W.H. Arnold, PhD
Whatever Happened to Spiritual Formation?
Part Two
They go by various names – confessors, mentors, spiritual directors, or even counselors. Some might even ascribe another title to a group or cohort. No matter what label we give them, they share a common purpose – they aid us in our spiritual formation.
Now, before I even start, I should lay out some “ground rules”. I am not talking about a cult-like mentality of following the directions of some super-spiritual anointed person. Nor am I speaking about an abrogation of responsibility for our own actions or practices. I am, however, speaking of accountability, not necessarily in a formal sense, but with the idea that we are engaged with another person (or persons) who has something of value to impart and who will help us in evaluating our practices, attitudes and, on occasion, our need for an amendment of life.
Throughout my life as a Christian, I have been blessed with a plethora of people who have fulfilled this role in my life. As a young evangelical trying to make sense of my attraction to the historic Church, I encountered Robert Webber who encouraged me along the path. At seminary, Bill Weinrich watched over me as I began my studies in the early Church. Charles Kannengiesser directed and encouraged me in my studies of Athanasius. In the UK, +Michael Ramsey agreed to be my confessor and spiritual director – although he would have eschewed such a modern term – and schooled me in Anglo-Catholicism. James Atkinson shared his wealth of knowledge on the Lutheran Reformation and helped me understand and admire the evangelical tradition in Anglicanism. +Stephen Sykes took time from his hectic schedule to tutor me in the Book of Common Prayer and the demands of a priestly vocation. The list could go on to include Orthodox priests, Lutheran professors, Roman Catholic bishops and even a charismatic evangelical. They were profoundly different in faith, background and experience, yet they shared themselves with me and, most importantly, provided an outside perspective as a part of my spiritual formation. They held me accountable, not so much by what they said, but by who they were. Yes, they shared knowledge, but more than that, they shared and modeled how that knowledge might shape my life in Christ.
While most often, they were the teachers and I was the student, these were also close personal relationships of mutual respect, regard and, dare I say, affection. All of them genuinely cared about what was happening in my life and they gave of themselves, selflessly. It was not about their self-aggrandizement. Their direction in my life was about self-sacrifice. Owing to that fact, I was inclined to take their advice and direction seriously. Owing to that fact, accountability to someone else on my part was not a burden, but a blessing borne of trust, knowing that the person to whom I was accountable had my best interests at heart.
So, some thoughts on finding people who might fulfill such a role in your own life and spiritual formation. As a caveat, you may find exceptions or may wish to contradict what I advise, but my hope is to provide a starting place for thought and discussion.
Firstly, if you are in a tradition that provides for private confession – Roman Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican or Lutheran – make use of it. In the process of contrition, confession, possible satisfaction and absolution, your confessor may also provide valuable spiritual direction. I will say, however, that owing to the nature of smaller churches these days, there can be value in the anonymity of going to a neighboring church or parish. The main point here is that you need a safe environment to open your heart and struggles to another person.
For those who are outside the above named traditions (or those who desire mentoring or spiritual direction in addition to confession) there are other possibilities. In numerous churches and seminaries, there are people who have been trained in spiritual direction. They may be in your own church or a neighboring church. Asking friends if they know of someone is a good place to start. Now, if you find someone, it is good to start off with a general conversation. If you perceive that there is a possibility and the basis of trust, it is important to realize that a spiritual director first wishes to be asked! They are not at your beck and call! Again, you have to find it of value and they have to feel that they have something give in such a relationship. It is a friendship and it is a sacred trust.
Often, it may be hard to find an individual. If this is the case, you might look to a small group in which there is a sense of mutual responsibility and accountability. (Remember John Wesley’s “Holy Club”.) This may grow up out of a Bible study or even an adult Christian Education program in your church. In fact, it may be a very informal group that simply becomes a vehicle for mutual encouragement and learning. You can choose to read a book together and meet to discuss it at a weekly or monthly breakfast or lunch.
The point of all these scenarios is growth… growth in community, growth in your own spiritual formation.
Finally, you may even resort to “distance learning” or “distance direction”. I currently work with five (and sometimes six) different clergy. Some are local while others are in different states. With all of them, we have regular times to get together and talk, whether in person, or, in one case, a two hour phone call once a week. Regardless of the manner or setting, all of these conversations are enriching, at least to me, and, I hope, to those I am speaking with, whether on the phone or in person.
We need others. As I think about my own experience, I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like without all those who took the time to stand by me, to teach me, to tutor me, to mentor me, to be examples to me. I cannot imagine my life without them. All I can do is to be thankful and, as my millennial friends say, “pay it forward”. So, as a last word, if someone has been this and done this for you… do it for someone else.
I have been fortunate to have this type of mentoring and accountability in my life and ministry for a long time.
Nothing…and I mean nothing…is more valuable than working with people who have been where you’re going.
The accountability aspect is paramount…many of the issues we have in the church would be ameliorated by all pastors having someone to speak into their lives…
Michael
I would whole-heartedly agree. As I reflected on those who have been with me in my journey, I am astounded at the help (often practical) and the sound counsel I received. Those who choose to be “lone rangers” are missing out on so much…
I will add this…I meet with Duane at least once a week…and with pstrmike frequently as well.
I’m 60 years old and have been in the ministry for almost 30 of those years…and those times with both are invaluable to my own spiritual formation and the ministry God me.
You’re never too old…
Very little of this type of formal “guiding” in baptist life, and it is to our detriment. Each person is pretty much supposed to figure it out for himself, which usually means it doesn’t happen. I have mentors, but none of them would call themselves that.
Josh
I have wondered if the independent nature of some churches actually discourages some from the sort of “connection” required in spiritual direction… just a thought.
Josh,
I saw the same thing for years in Calvary Chapel…you end up with pastors who are not only stuck spiritually, but don’t even know how to do a funeral or wedding…
I am very thankful for Father G. He knows the worst about me but always thinks the best of me. Let me tell you, there’s been quite a few sins I would have committed except I knew I would have to confess them to God and Father G and that thought was unbearable.
Xenia,
Recapturing the rite of confession would go a long ways toward curing what ails us…
Xenia
A good confessor is hard to find…
Duane – While there is no prohibition for “connection” in baptist churches, there is also no system. It is completely up to individuals to discover, and is therefore lacking. Many are probably in my situation and rely on former pastors or professors, but that is still limited.
Michael – I will say that those things are covered in seminary. Baptists encourage seminary attendance.
Thanks Duane. Spiritual direction is a helpful piece in our spiritual formation and hasn’t received the exposure informing people of such a resource. In a basic sense, it is not much different than the discipleship model of Paul and Timothy that I learned back in the 70’s. To some degree, I am spiritually directing my congregation as their pastor.
I have had some great mentors in my life. My friend Sam Lewis was helpful to me way back in my late teens, and we still connect periodically. Jim Frost was my professor in discipleship classes and contributed toward the foundation that I was establishing. In my doctoral work, MaryKate Morse has been a wonderful mentor and friend. Michael and I have mentored each other for years now; some of our conversations should have been podcasted, some, I am glad will never go beyond the two of us 😉
I am planning on taking the necessary classes for my Spiritual Director certification at Portland Seminary. If all goes according to plan, I will be certified by this time next year.
pstrmike
It’s very interesting historically. The notion of confessors, spiritual directors, etc., was commonplace and accepted throughout the history of the Church. You think of Alexander and Athanasius, Ambrose and Augustine, etc.. Moreover, spiritual direction was “gender neutral” – think Julian of Norwich or Teresa of Avila. Thomas a’Kempis extolled it along with the Brethren of the Common life. It was accepted and practiced right up to the early 20th century when it fell out of favor, only to be discovered again in the 70s and 80s. I’ve often wondered what happened and why?
I’m currently reading Julia Gatta’s book “The Pastoral Art of the English Mystics,” which covers Walter Hilton, Julian of Norwich and “The Cloud of Unknowing.” What is clear is that these people were involved in spiritual direction, and such context is really individual pastoral ministry.
pstrmike
Agreed! Again, I wonder why it fell out of favor? Was it the rise of celebrity preachers, or did it just seem foreign to modern sensibilities…
I’ve not usually had a mentor in a formal arrangement, but the pastors (and youth leaders, when I was younger) of my churches over the years have played that kind of role. That seems the best for us laypeople, while church leaders are best served by someone outside their context.
Last week I moved house again. I’m living with a man whose wife recently left him (and as a result, he is taking his Christian faith seriously again). I came here wanting to live the ordinary Christian life, getting on with my work and research, but I find myself spending a lot of time listening, praying and reading the bible with a brother in need of that input (I’m not the only one here – a retired pastor friend is also helping him a lot).
Eric
You’re doing God’s work…
Finding a spiritual mentor seems pretty unobtainable right now. Between working and watching my children I feel so scattered; I can’t even picture myself getting organized enough to track down a mentor.
j2
It is a difficulty, especially with the demands on your time. On the other hand, if you did find someone you could engage in journaling through the month – not extended, but the concerns of the day – and maybe meet up once a month for 15 minutes or half an hour, just to share. It could also be “time for you”, even if it was just a little…
That is a good idea, Duane, if I ever do find someone.
In some respects I gave up ever even hoping for a mentor. When I was a child, I desperately wanted someone like that, and partly because of that, in my early 20s I actually ended up spending a year or so in an abusive discipleship church.
I wonder if it’s harder for women to find those sorts of relationships. Plus I kind of have a sense that other women might find me intimidating or off-putting (but I could be wrong).
j2
I’m really glad that you brought up two issues – gender and abusive relationships.
As to the gender issue, it’s a tough one. I have been a spiritual director to women in the past (one is now in a convent), but there were some pretty hard and fast rules – such as meeting in public places, office door open, etc. I would like to say that I fully understand the “woman to woman” dynamic, but I can only say that I know it exists – but certainly not in all cases.
There is also the potential for spiritually abusive scenarios, but the one key factor to look for is “does this person have my best interests at heart?” If there are any sort of “warning bells”, it’s advisable to back away from the relationship.