Why I Don’t Write “Exposés ” These Days
I get email…why aren’t you writing exposés, like the old days?
There are a number of reasons…
What people never understood was that to write about corruption in any given circumstance took a great deal of time and work to get it right…and not get sued.
I spent years developing and working a network of sources who had to trust that I would protect their identity…and who usually would never corroborate what I wrote publicly.
I would spend hours searching public records and sourcing private ones.
Once the story was written and published, I had to withstand the storm that followed…from those who believed you and from those who refused to believe.
Years of that took its toll in many different ways.
Today I have neither the health nor the time to engage in the work, unless something extreme like the Potters Field debacle arises.
I would find the strength to fight that battle again…
Having said that, the primary reason is that it really didn’t change anything…except my health and well being.
I primarily exposed abuse in evangelical camps…believing that the good people in churches run by abusive men would do the right thing and remove the abusers from leadership and support those who had been abused.
I thought that surely Christians wouldn’t tolerate the abuse of people in the flock they belonged to.
What I didn’t realize is that idolatry toward leaders is baked into evangelical systems and (with few exceptions) the abusers survived and thrive because their congregations chose them over truth.
Abusive pastors only have a place to abuse if they have a congregation willing to pay them to “lead”…and evidently, people will still pay even at the cost of others spiritual lives.
There are people in “ministry” today who really should be in jail… hailed as “men of God” by those they “serve”.
I will go to my grave haunted by stories I’ve heard that never made it here…I believe that people have not only been traumatized by spiritual abuse,but some have died because these leaders ruled unchecked.
I was never able to break through the silence of witnesses to establish the worst of what I know…but I still know it happened.
The ascent of Donald Trump as a champion of evangelicals pretty much sealed the deal…here was a man utterly void of any Christian virtue having a Bible thrust into his hands while other hands were laid upon him in blessing.
The issue wasn’t support of his political policies…it was the charade to baptize him as a man of faith that did me in.
Any damn fool could see that he was using the faithful for political gain…any damn fool would know from his past (and present) that he was anything but a believer.
Many evangelicals didn’t have the discernment of a damned fool.
He was charismatic and authoritarian and those are the keys to the kingdom in evangelicalism…character and faith are not counted as much.
Time and energy fail me in my desire to add the blind acceptance of those who claim to be “prophets”…the parade of grifters that emanate from Bethel and North Carolina and Kansas City.
They are all liars and cons who make a living mocking the intelligence and sanity of the faithful…those who drink the snake oil and declare themselves healed.
So… we watch as the young flee our churches…one generation disgusted at what they have experienced in the church, another not even remotely interested in the things of God.
We pretend that the reason they are unchurched is because they are full of sin and desire nothing else.
Maybe… it’s because they have the discernment of any damned fool…
There is a remnant…and every once in a while, like Elijah, God reminds me that it’s bigger than I know.
I did what I did because I loved the church and Jesus and hated that which harmed His followers and His name.
I have a lot of company, some that I actually know, many that I don’t.
I’m old now and I’m watching my non-evangelical part of Christendom fade into irrelevance right after I moved in.
Jesus is busily collecting lampstands and soon there will be a cost to calling yourself a Christian.
I’ve paid my dues already…
This is a painful read.
Paul Johnson the historian noted that sooner or later we all get political leaders that reflect us. Perhaps Trump is what we should expect. Johnson was noting that about Clinton.
Even here the reality is that this story is OUR story and our reflection in a mirror.
We’ve fallen in love with our own messed up selves.
Alan,
It was painful to write.
Those of us that are aging out of our influence need to stand against what we have become and point to Jesus…it is the only way we can rest knowing we have finished well.
It is unfortunate that we as a church have allowed the “leaders” to do our thinking for us. They stand at their pulpits (bully pulpits if you ask me) and tell us who to hate, how to hate and when to hate…they tell us who to love and who not to love. Many of those they tell us not love are the ones who need are love the most, many of those they tell us to love are not worthy of that love. They do not repent or even pretend to care about those they crush, yet all the while they rake in the lazy folk who do not wish to read or relate for themselves. The lazy folk just want to show up, pay the piper, and leave, calling themselves just and righteous for appearing in the building. The lampstands have been disappearing for many moons now, but still they rant and rave about how wonderful their tribe is. My tribe is shrinking, my despair is growing. My faith is shaky, but still I hope and my hope is He comes soon.
In the charismatic world bad actors seem to rebrand and survive, even to be lionized as somehow specially anointed. To expose a popular prophet or healer is to become the object of special scorn. You must surely be inspired by dark motivations. These characters become the persecuted victims. Meanwhile their actual victims get kicked to the curb. It’s a mess.
Cathy,
Well said…and sadly true.
Alan,
And this all occurs in a tribe that prides itself on the “gift of discernment”…it boggles my mind and upsets my stomach…
Michael,
The one time I approached someone about the serial adulterer pastor in my church (same denomination and this pastor was on the governance board) I received a very curt message to stop gossiping. Ever since then, I’ve found a quiet reason to disappear when something seemed amiss. It’s only happened twice in all my years of being a Christian, but it was difficult both times because of the emotional and time investment I had in those churches. Current church isn’t perfect-I sometimes find the senior pastor to be a bit hard on people, but he’s not public and he does apologize. He also doesn’t call all the shots. When there was too much politics in the pulpit the elders called him on it, and he backed way off. He is currently doing a series on Daniel and how Christians should deal with living under fallen leadership, and he is doing a good job. Not even a hint of what is going on with prospective presidential candidates (which wasn’t the case in the last election cycle). There has been a lot about prayer, wisdom, making hard decisions when it really matters, and possible fallout that will require a great amount of faith to endure.
So, I guess I am a bit of a self-protective coward, but I’ve had several friends over the last few decades consumed by toxic churches and leadership or lose money in crazy giving schemes. I have read most of your archived posts about Calvary Chapel (my local one in the early 80s had a pastor that was sleeping around while declaring he was the Lord’s anointed. I never visited once I knew what was going on), as well as Potter’s Field and the border. I am amazed that, with all the news out there, that people keep getting duped again and again.
Michael, I hope you are greeted in heaven by a number of people who were able to leave or avoid tough church situations because you were brave enough to write about it.
Thank you, Michael, for all that you have done over all these years. Even as they may feel so, your efforts have not been in vain as you have been faithful to God and have impacted far more people than you’ll probably ever realize.
God is furnishing your reward in the next life – a mansion overflowing with cats.
Linn,
Thank you for the kind words.
I do not consider you a coward in the least…your posts show someone who is following Jesus in the light you have…and your witness has and does matter.
KevinH,
You bless me more than you know with your words and your courage…I know there has been a price to pay.
Yes…my only hope in life is to one day hear “well done , good and faithful servant”…while I note the cat hair on His robe as He hands me those I’ve lost…
Michael,
Thank you…I can be as stubborn as the proverbial mule on some issues, but I try to pick those battles wisely. When I’ve realized that no one is going to address it, it usually means that the whole leadership is on board with the problem, and it’s time to go.
Thank you Michael, if I were to move back to southern Oregon, you’d be one of the few people I’d want to hang out with. I’ve also cast pearls before swine—got trampled like you. Now I’m more abhorrence for those who defend the abusers than the abusers. They are wind wind beneath their wings, tithers who keep the machinery going.
I wonder if we’ll be held accountable for what we supported.
Thank you, Paul.
I have a real internal battle to try and not be contemptuous toward the whole scene…and like you, wonder if there will be accountability for what was supported.
Glad to have you on the team…praying you will know what you’ve done has mattered.
So I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath for the Romain expose that I have been waiting for since June 8, 2018. Luck for you there is great stuff weekly that provokes my thinking while waylaying my disappointment (j/k on the disappointment). I understand the havoc time has on physical health. I list of things everyday, from piddly to grandiose, that seem to never come to fruition these days. I am thankful for any day I feel decent and haven even 50% of the energy and physical prowess that I once took for granted. Stay the course brother for great shall be your reward- the actual evidence and substance of what was unseen but ever hoped for- a face to face encounter with our Lord. Then everything else is not just icing on the cake but toppings galore. Keep on!
Thank you, Shawn.
Romaine was an interesting character…his legacy is that every traditional CC has a hatchet man to take the heat off the senior pastor by doing his dirty work…
Wanted to post a funny cartoon but can’t. Back in the day Romain “counseled” my wife of 34 years to forget about me as I would never change.
Job 12:17
He makes counselors walk barefoot
And makes fools of judges.
“Having said that, the primary reason is that it really didn’t change anything…except my health and well being.”
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If one seeks wisdom about humanity, read and re-read Scripture which so clearly spells out the brokenness of humanity, even the faithful.
Etch in your gray matter the wisdom of Solomon; “There is nothing new under the sun.”
Then trust in a Sovereign God who ultimately brings complete justice on His time-table.
I grew up with a simple faith in the UK, but even there evangelicals could lap up lies. The whole thing needs reform, and I won’t worship with evangelicals stateside because they are mostly abusive apostates. Instead of repenting, they blame people for leaving or being those outside the church. The worst is how most betrayed their own kids and grandkids and blame them for grieving the impact of their sin.