Why Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
I’ve been getting lots of questions about why Mike and Pam Rozell (as well as Rob McCoy) haven’t issues statements of apology and sorrow over the human cost incurred at Potters Field.
This is simple.
Litigation.
If you say you’re sorry, you have to say what you’re sorry about…and you will hear that apology read back to you in court.
You may say Christians shouldn’t care about such things…and you’re right.
However, we live in a time of free market religion where the model is a business one.
The family model of the Scriptures would require confession and reconciliation with the brethren.
This entrepreneurial model requires attorneys and views broken people mainly as lost assets and collateral damage.
We may hear from someone after everything is liquidated…it’ll be safe to be sorry then…
I hope no one is holding their breath waiting for an apology. Sociopaths and narcissists have no ability to feel empathy or remorse. The victims are the real enemy. They will wait in vain, only to be disappointed when a legit apology will never come.
“lost assets and collateral damage”
Sad, but likely accurate. 🙁
FWIW
Two different kinds of sorry:
“I:m sorry if you…”. = phony
” i’m sorry that I… ” = sincere
Dove means never having to say you’re sorry.
Michael is correct.
Unfortunately free market entities such as PFM fear men more than God and these guys will likely never admit to wrongdoing publicly because they are looking to settle things confidentially out of court in exchange for paying out settlement sums to the victims.
The typical language in a settlement agreement includes a Non-Admission of Liability clause like the following:
“Nothing in this Agreement shall be construed as an admission of liability by Executive or the Released Parties; rather, Executive and the Released Parties are resolving all matters arising out of their employer-employee relationship and all other relationships between Executive and the Released Parties, as to which the Released Parties and Executive each deny any liability”
Let’s not forget that these are contracts before men but note on the day of the great white throne judgment things will surely play out differently. God will not be mocked Mr. Rozell,
Michael, do you believe it is at all possible that they are waiting for things to actually cool off and be slow to speak so that when it comes time to give those apologies they are sincere, well thought through, honest apologies? And that these apologies come from people who are actually feeling the weight and affect of the pain they’ve caused? Additionally, many people may not currently welcome an apology and a premature apology in this situation could delay the process of healing the Lord would walk each individual through. I also hold the opinion, as one who has been hurt through this mess, that each apology needs to be given individually, not as a generalized blanket statement to the multiple people over the course of many years, what a slap in the face that would be… Additionally, Rob McCoy doesn’t really know any of us and was never a part of this hurt, so why even bring him into the matter of apologies?
I recognize you have no reason to think highly of any individuals involved with PFM and that’s your prerogative, however the word still calls us to do so..
Just some food for thought through the eyes of someone who has actually walked through this all and is still dealing with the impact of having their lives blown up overnight.
Phil,
Thanks for the questions.
As I said, I was responding to inquiries that have come in.
You may have accurately portrayed the Rozells stance in this matter, but that would be contrary to information I’ve received and my personal experience in these matters.
I believe both a general apology to the Body of Christ and individuals is appropriate.
It will never be my job to tell any of you how to respond to this…only you can decide that individually and I respect whatever choices you make.
Read Pam Rozell’s “Stone of Remembrance” and note in there where she says that her and Michael have grown accustomed to a higher level of living. She claims that they had repented of their excessive lifestyle a few years back, but when this eventual individual audit reveals just how “humble” their incomes have become… you’ll see their heart in this whole scandal. Power and Money is all they care about.
They had power by placing themselves in positions of authority over God’s faithful and abusing that power to control their victims. Their power was also derived by their reputation within PFM, which was simply that they were supposedly doing good things within the ministry. These two things gave them an intoxicating power and attention that a narcissist relishes.
Additionally, there was money, a lot of money. For anyone that doubts Michael’s assertion that litigation is the main reason for why they are silent… look at the money. There is a very specific reason why McCoy’s official communication noted that there would be increased transparency with PFM going forward-because the Rozells were profiting from slave-like labor! He also specifically noted that 85% of everything that was donated to PFM would go to the ministry, and 15% would go to expenses! Now WHY, OH WHY, would he make it a point to note that? Cause the Rozell’s were sucking money away from this ministry like a vacuum.
They’re keeping quiet now because they’ve lost their power and they want to grasp unto the only remaining thing that they had…money. You want to see them truly repent? Take their money away from them, and maybe…JUST MAYBE… they’ll actually be humbled and come back to humility.
I wouldn’t hold my breath though, sociopathic narcissism isn’t something that goes away quietly into the night.
Proud People VS. Broken People
Proud, Unbroken People
Broken People
1. Focus on the failure of others
1. Are overwhelmed with their own spiritual need (Matthew 5:3, 7:3-5, Luke 18:9-14)
2. Are self-righteous; have a critical, fault finding spirit; look at own life/faults with a telescope but others with a microscope
2. Are compassionate; have a forgiving spirit; look for the best in others (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:12)
3. Look down, in a condescending spirit, at others
3. Esteem all others as better than self (Phil. 2:3, Rom. 12:10)
4. Are independent; have desires for everyone else to meet own personal needs
4. Are dependent on God and His grace; recognize others’ needs and seek to meet them (2 Cor. 3:4-6, Phil. 2:4)
5. Always manipulating circumstances to maintain control; must have everyone do it their way
5. Surrenders control by giving freedom for others to do or see things differently (Rom. 12:1-2)
6. Have to prove they are always right
6. Are willing to yield to the possibility that they could be wrong, and thus, yield the need to always prove they are right(Rom. 15:2)
7. Claiming personal rights
7. Yielding personal rights (Eph. 5:21)
8. Display a demanding spirit
8. Have a giving spirit (Rom. 12:13)
9. Self-protective of time, rights, reputation
9. Are self-denying (Luke 9:23)
10. Desire to be served
10. Are motivated to serve others (Matt. 20:26-28, Phil. 2:20-21)
11. Desire to be a success
11. Desire to be faithful to make others a success (John 3:30)
12. Desire for self-advancement
12 Desire to promote others (John 3:3)).
13. Are driven to be recognized and appreciated
13. Have a sense of unworthiness; are thrilled to be used at all; eager for others to get credit, honors and awards (I Tim. 1:12-16)
14. Cringe when others in the same field are praised, wishing it was them
14. Rejoice when others are lifted up (Rom. 12:15)
15. Think ‘the ministry is privileged to have me!’
15. Think ‘I don’t deserve to serve in this ministry (2 Cor. 4:7)
16. Think of what they can do for God
16. Know they can offer nothing to God, and seek for God to work through them in His power (Phil. 3:8-9, Titus 3:5)
17. Feel confident in how much they know
17. Are humbled by how much they have not learned and wish to learn (Phil. 3:12, Prov. 1:7)
18. Are self-conscious
18. Have little concern with how others view them (Gal. 1:10)
19. Keep people at arm’s length
19. Risk getting close to others; are willing to take those risks for the sake of love for others (2 Cor. 6:11-12)
20. Are quick to blame others
20. Accept personal responsibility; can see and acknowledge personal failure (Matthew 7)
21. Are concerned with being ‘respectable’
21. Are concerned with being real (2 Cor. 4:3-5).
22. Are concerned about what others think
22. Know all that matters is God and what He knows
Proud, Unbroken People
Broken People
(I Cor. 4:3-5)
23. Work hard to maintain image and protect reputation
23. Die to own reputation (Phil. 3:7, Rom. 14:7)
24. Find it difficult to share their spiritual needs with others
24. Are willing to be transparent with others (2 Cor. 1:12)
25. Want to be sure no one finds aout about their sin
25. Are willing to acknowledge and confess one’s sin; brokenness is the ultimate sign of personal success (Ps. 51:17)
26. Have a hard time saying, ‘I was wrong. Will you forgive me’
26. Are quick to admit fault and seek forgiveness (I John 1:9, James 5:1)
27. Deal in generalities when confession sin
27. Deal in specifics (Ps. 51:17)
28. Are concerned about the consequences of their sin
28. Are grived over the root of their sin (Ps. 51:5)
29. Wait for other party to come and ask forgiveness in a conflict
29. Take the initiative to be reconciled; gets their first (Matthew 5:23-24)
30. Compare themselves with others and feel deserving of honore
30. Compare themselves with God and feel desparate for mercy (Luke 18:9-14)
31. Are blind to their true heart condition
31. Walk in the light of true knowledge concerning their own hearts (I John 1:6-7).
32. Do not display any spirit of repentance, because they don’t need it
32. Continually display a spirit of repentance, sensing their need for fresh encounters with God and the filling of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5;18), Gal 5:16)
33. Spent time reading these words and wondering if _____________ was reading it
33. Thanked the Lord for using words on the internet to bring brokenness to their lives.
Phil, Rob McCoy does know some of us. He is not new to the scene. He’s been around the ministry and connected for a long time.