Pastoral Care: Duane W.H. Arnold, PhD
Pastoral Care
As we emerge from the pandemic, I wonder if pastoral care will return. Now, there seemed to be little enough traditional pastoral care pre-Covid and it seems possible that the crisis of the last year may hasten its demise entirely. Owing to social distancing and mitigation protocols, the last year has seen the suspension of many aspects of pastoral care. Hospital visitations came to an abrupt halt. The same was true of nursing homes and assisted care facilities. Home visitations, or even just having a cup of coffee with a parishioner, became impossible. Weddings rescheduled and pre-marital counseling, for the most part, fell by the wayside. Even funerals and caring for the families who had lost a loved one became truncated, often consisting of a simple graveside service with few in attendance.
Admittedly, as indicated above, traditional pastoral care was already on the wane before we were confronted with this most recent crisis.
I think this had something to do with expectations on both sides of the equation, that is, the expectations of those administering pastoral care, as well as the expectations of the recipients of such care.
In my seminary training, as well as in my parish experience, there was a single command with regard to pastoral care, “You shall attend!”. That rule was inviolable regardless of whether I was the pastor of a Calvary Chapel or on the staff of an Episcopal Cathedral. That rule held true regardless of whether I was negotiating the canyons of New York City in a taxi or driving through corn fields in western Ohio to find the home of a parishioner. In seminary, we were assigned to a local hospital and trained in the process of visitation. We learned to visit the nursing station on the floor first to ascertain the condition of the patient and to be advised as to how long to be with them. We learned to wash our hands before and after the visit. We were taught the importance of touch, of presence, of prayer. These are lessons I still remember.
Later, in parish settings, I always had a visitation list. It was not a choice. In Detroit, two days out of the month were spent visiting fourteen nursing homes to see elderly members of the congregation. In NYC, a list of housebound parishioners was divided up among the staff for visitation twice a month. When approached to do a wedding, you were responsible for the pre-marital counseling, the planning, the rehearsal and all that would take place on the day. Likewise, when a death occurred you were expected to be present, to care, to counsel, to pray and to lead the family through the funeral, and to comfort them afterwards. All of this was normal. This, of course, is not to mention the myriad of other pastoral contacts that could range from helping to discern a vocation to ministry to calming a crisis in a church committee.
If you could preach well, or teach effectively, it was a bonus. If, however, you could not exercise pastoral care, you would not last very long.
In many circles, however, pastoral care is the exception rather than the rule. Some clergy who prioritize preaching and teaching assign such duties to others or, in some cases, simply do the bare minimum and only when required. Additionally, many lay people in congregations have no real expectations with regard to pastoral care. Perhaps this is the truth of the matter, to receive pastoral care you have to know what it is. Moreover, once you know what it is, you have to desire it. In the end, pastoral care is a lifelong conversation between the priest/pastor who has been called to serve and those who are being served. It is a conversation that brings life to both.
As we emerge from this pandemic, we can only hope that this conversation will not be silenced. If it is, all of us will be the poorer for its loss.
Thank you so much for this. I’m currently in graduate school studying clinical psychology, and over the last three years of being in this program, I’ve been wrestling with how well (or not) I fit in the psychology world.
I was speaking with one of my professors about how I love my theology classes and topics around spiritual formation, and he looked at me and said, “Have you ever thought of being a pastor?” My initial/gut reaction was, “Absolutely not!” After taking time to figure out why that was my first response, I realized it was because my examples of “pastor” usually emphasized teaching/preaching without any modeling of pastoral care. When I think about pastoral care, I can see myself doing that kind of work because it brings together my therapeutic skills and love of theology. Still trying to figure out what I’m going to do once I finish this grad program, but this article is really encouraging to me in the meantime. Thanks again for sharing!
Gabby,
You would make an excellent priest or pastor…hopefully in my tradition and my area… 🙂
A number of years ago, I visited a city where we had chronicled the scandals surrounding a mega church pastor.
Word got out that I was present in a service at another church and I had the opportunity to meet a number of our readers in the church lobby after the service.
The one I’ll never forget is an elderly gentleman, tall and dignified, who greeted me warmly and with tears.
He had given much money to the megachurch, and had been a foundation stone of building a mans empire.
He had a serious heart ailment and ended up in the hospital…where he waited and waited for the man he helped establish to come and bring him spiritual comfort.
The “pastor” never came.
Michael,
Thank you for your kind words! I have spent the last fifteen years of my life in Pentecostal/charismatic spaces, but I’ve been drawn to more liturgical practices as well (which makes it a little tricky to find a denominational “home” at this point 😂). I guess I’ll have to wait and see where the Lord leads… and manage the suspense in the meantime!
Post-pastoral Protestantism is one of the saddest developments in the last 100 years. I fear it is a sin of neglect that will be held against so many church leaders. They think they will be lauded in heaven for their fine orations and crowd gathering skills, but I think they are mistaken. I think the Great Shepherd expects disciple-making and loving care in His name.
Michael
I was hoping that you would share that story. I’m afraid, however, that it is all too often a common experience in more places than we can imagine…
EricL
Agree absolutely. Additionally, I think some shrink from pastoral care because it is private, not public, and it forces one to engage real issues of life and death…
This is the joy of small parishes, where the priest/pastor knows everyone. If you want anonymity, that is, you don’t want to be put on committees or stuck in the nursery, you can go to a mega church where no one need ever know your name but if this is your choice, then you can’t gripe when the pastor doesn’t visit you in the hospital. (This obviously doesn’t apply to the gentleman in Michael’s story, who was very involved in his church.)
Our family was one of the minority of folks who decided not to attend church services when our county was in the top tier of restrictions. Our pastor still visited us, his wife brought us homemade cake and bread, and he invited my husband to play golf a few times, all to show they still loved us. And when we came back a few weeks ago, there were no recriminations, just “We are so glad you guys are back.” All the anti-mask people welcomed us back with open arms and no snide remarks. O how I love my parish!
Xenia
Just to say, the church I served in NYC had 1300+ in our three Sunday morning services. Parishioners in the hospital were visited, the homebound and those in nursing homes were visited. Pastoral care was exercised because pastoral care was a priority…
It just seems that so many American Christians prefer big churches with professional-sounding bands and a cool pastor who preaches relevant sermons. Lots of programs for the kids, lots of money spent on many things. This appeals to people, although it has never appealed to me. But when you choose this type of church, there are trade-offs, no getting around it.
In my case, I attended a mid-size Calvary Chapel with a very good pastor. I wanted to get to know him and his family better, as well as the rest of the leadership, who seemed to me to be very interesting people. So my besetting sin of AMBITION rose its ugly head and I began to volunteer for everything that would bring me closer to the center of the church’s leadership. because that’s where the interesting stuff was happening, that is, I wanted to do something besides help the toddlers color pictures down in the children’s ministry. I did manage to accomplish all this, but at great personal cost (long story) but it has a happy ending because I became so miserable I left them.
Duane, I think it’s possible to have a really large church without having the mega-church mentality.
Xenia
“I think it’s possible to have a really large church without having the mega-church mentality.”
I agree. In Detroit, we had two Sunday morning services with an attendance of around 700. Once again, from the Dean of the Cathedral to the newest member of the Chapter (that was me) we all had our lists. Indeed, if we had failed to exercise pastoral care, we would have been looking for another job! It was taken that seriously…
To add to my previous comments: I think preaching and gathering are two vital skills for any who minister. (Personally, I’m working on my skills in both those areas.) However, when you leave off discipling and pastoral care, I think you not only fail at half your responsibilities, but you hinder the other two as well.
I was talking with a large-church pastor earlier this month about the temptation to avoid your congregation and how that can be stronger for introverts. You can let the busyness of your week squeeze out any unplanned ministry time. To help fight this, he makes it a practice to leave openings on his calendar that the secretary can fill with whoever calls in, without ever checking with him first. Planning for unplanned opportunities.
The large church I mentioned takes it’s care ministries seriously as well. All pastoral staff (and those in training) are expected to be involved in their food pantry, small groups, visitation/outreach, and prayer ministry. Like Duane said, it just needs to be taken seriously.
EricL
What we prioritize says much about what we value – as individuals and as institutions.
Duane,
I met my pastor this afternoon for some pastoral care. I really value the care too.
Jean
It’s a two way conversation…
Duane,
Providing a lay perspective, one big thing that makes it very difficult to seek (and be vulnerable in) pastoral care is the message from the pulpit of the model Christian as godly, victorious and triumphant.
The popular discipleship programs circulating in American Christianity, for example, go by the names, Authentic Manhood and Top Gun.
How does one remove his mask in such an atmosphere?
I think we need to look at pastoral care a bit differently in our changing culture. I’ll always prefer an actual visit, but I have found that phone calls, texts and emails can be very encouraging as well. Recently I was having a mild crisis about whether or not to return to my church of 20 years due to some issues over it being open when it wasn’t supposed to be (per local health regulations), and the attitude taken from the pulpit towards those of us who weren’t attending. I contacted a former pastor via email, and he called me. His input was invaluable, and he prayed that God would give me wisdom. God did-I’m back at church since we changed tiers (I’m in California), and the rhetoric has really changed and county guidelines are being followed to the T. i think we really need to look at pastoral care in the 21st century. Not that in-person isn’t wonderful, but it may not always be the most expedient or possible.
Jean
We’ve gone a long way from pastoral care enabling people to live holy lives and, at the end, to have a good and holy death…
Linn
I think pastoral care can be exercised in many ways and making use of many tools. That being said, there is no substitute for “presence”.
2 years ago, when my husband was in hospital, the only visitor he had (besides me) was the priest from the Anglican Church in our village. Her visit was a balm to our souls and we will never forget the pastoral care she gave to us.
I was immediately reminded of Matthew 25:31ff.
In these days when one can rot before anyone cares, let all of our hearts be encouraged to minister unto the least of these as Jesus says.
JD
Actually, your reference to Matt.25 is appropriate for pastoral care.
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
Some things I might be able to “fix” – if you need food, water, or clothing. Some things I can’t “fix” – one’s identity as an immigrant, or the illness you are suffering from, or one’s being held in prison. I can, however, be present and bring what comfort or support that I can in that circumstance of life. That is also pastoral care…
From the article up top:
“He had a serious heart ailment and ended up in the hospital…where he waited and waited for the man he helped establish to come and bring him spiritual comfort.
The “pastor” never came.”
Said “pastor” has a serious heart ailment too…
Does anyone have experience with Stephen’s Ministers? I looked into this when my mother was living with us, but didn’t pursue it due to her becoming increasingly… difficult.
I had an intriguing meeting with an old pastor connection yesterday, an Episcopal priest I worked with years ago, who, though stiff and rather socially awkward, took his role with pastoral care very seriously. I worked with him coordinating services at a youth correctional facility and a few other matters locally. His health and mind are fading and I had the opportunity to visit with him and his wife. At every mention of scripture, or God, or ministry, he brightened and said ‘amen’ or ‘that’s right’ or ‘bless the Lord.’ The care he gave so faithfully is so necessary for him now. I only hope others are so faithful.
Which brings me to the broader question. What about the “priesthood of all believers” angle on this topic–are the expectations of the minister also the duties of the faithful? It wasn’t uncommon in my church growing up for the deacons & elders to accompany the pastor on many of the visits–and the congregants often were invited to volunteer. No more?
Fil,
Part of the problem today is that there are those who do not feel cared for unless the main man shows up.
The other side is that we’re so isolated that many people do not want to be close to the pastor/priest…church is for Sundays or funerals…
Fil,
In three of the churches I served, we ‘supplemented’ visitation (especially to Nursing Homes) with lay people. In my tradition, however, there are often sacramental aspects of pastoral care which remain the work of a priest – the Eucharist, anointing with oil for healing, confession and absolution, extreme unction, etc. Additionally, there are issues of privacy. One of my regular calls in NYC was an elderly lady whose son was a governor of a northeast state. She used to say she enjoyed my visits because she knew she could gossip, or talk about her art collection, and it would go no further! When we said prayers together, she knew all the prayers and responses by heart.