TGIF
This probably isn’t going to end well.
Our martial arts instructor is highly skilled in his field.
He is well educated in his tradition and able to teach.
He is a strong, charismaticĀ personalityĀ and an able communicator.
His authority in the dojo during times of training is unquestioned and earned.
Unfortunately, he wants to extend his authority beyond the boundaries of the class.
He believes certain foods are to be consumed and certain ones avoided…a normal thing for those who coach athletic activity.
When his beliefs are challenged, when an exhausted parent dares go to Wendy’s,Ā recriminationsĀ are loud and harsh.
He wants everyone to work toward “elite” status and compete in tournaments in distant cities.
Some…most…families cannot afford those expensive trips.
Those folks parenting skills and devotion to their children is questioned.
If they really cared, they’d find a way to come up with the money.
The martial arts classes are to be the focus of the student and the family with school and work being the only higher priorities.
People are afraid to speak of a family vacation that will have them absent for a few days.
Changes are coming he says with a hint of a threat…sloppy devotion will no longer be tolerated.
His ways will be followed inside and outside of class and money will be found to support his goals…or else.
Your worth inside those walls will be based on your compliance.
There is much turnover in the school…but as one goes out the backdoor, one comes in the front.
He’s a really good teacher…
We as a family choose to honor and respect him within his area of authority…and set limits on where that authority begins and ends.
My son wants to know why I’m not intimidated by the master and the potential of inciting his wrath.
I’ve been in this church before.
Make your own application…
Aww, man, I’m so sorry to hear this, yet another power mad jerk who thinks he’s Ra’s al Ghul.
Just do your best and model that for Trey.
…and find a better, more compassionate teacher who values the person over the principle
We’re ok so far, but very wary.
It amazes me how much it mirrors some churches we’ve seen.
It’s the pathological side of an imbalanced “teacher”. When one values their position and outlook on life to that extent they become self absorbed and singular in focus, unbalanced. It’s been by beef with the movement that I used to belong to, that “pastor-teacher” was an office/role/position that was valued more than any other in the church, almost like “The Body of Christ” was all mouth and shriveled and feeble in every other organ and function.
Thankfully real life is far more balanced, than is the non-ecclesiastical world.
“by beef” should be “my beef”
…gotta love iPad autocorrect š
Get some rest.
I get to go to a Gospel Shabbat on Friday night.
Can’t wait!
“Itās been my beef with the movement that I used to belong to, that āpastor-teacherā was an office/role/position that was valued more than any other in the church, almost like āThe Body of Christā was all mouth and shriveled and feeble in every other organ and function.”
G, I hear you.
In fact, I’ve spent most of the last year teaching my church the exact opposite…when I got sick I realized that I wouldn’t be their pastor forever and they needed to know they each have a vital place in the Body.
We want control, because we are scared, I learned this teaching in several institutions. The first time I took a metal chair across the head (no its not the same on WWE) I learned this. I still pay for the several metal chairs I have been clocked with, not to mention the frying pans, coat racks, head butts, teeth, feet, and other implements of pain. Basically every joint in my body hurts pretty much every day, got a growth on my neck the side of a straw berry, and my spine looks like a crossword puzzle. It was a choice I made, long ago and a price I will pay the rest of my my life. I would not trade a second for actual pain free health. I saw so much, delved deeply into the human condition and through a very very dark fog I glimpsed God in all the mess. My students kept me “humble” (sort of). But they gave me a view of the Divine often loss because it is quiet and slow, it moves in the shadows because if it came out in full force we would all evaporate.
My question to the faith community, why does my view piss off so many Christians, I mean really tick them off in spades? I dont get it, I am very careful, other then this blog and on Alex’s blog I never one time brought up such stuff in a real world faith community well I mean I brought up some questions but the nano second there was pushed back I apologized for taking my next breath and shut up. I mean with a passion I shut up, sat at their feet, listened and basically did every single thing I was told. That was not even close to being enough. I get that in spades. From what I can gather it is I appear wishy washy on some issues so that means I am not cold nor hot so Jesus wants to vomit me out of His mouth. I get that, and most likely that is what will happen, I get that as well. But I cant deny what I have seen, the still quiet voice, the hope I have seen the glimpse of the Divine I have seen. I tried so hard to love God, with all I have, late into the night, often late into several nights, begging God pleading heal someone, kill me to prove you exist, show me you are there. And the only answer I have ever gotten is that still quiet voice of hope that is often fleeting but still so powerful.
Offered for what very little it may be worth.
Brian
You should start a blog. I mean it, it would give you a more regular and wider opportunity to express what you are trying to say without the fear of offending or ‘push back’.
You have a lot to say, probably more than you contribute here or at CCA, and that’s a lot.
-mike
“…when I got sick I realized that I wouldnāt be their pastor forever and they needed to know they each have a vital place in the Body.”
Now that’s what I would call true pastor/teaching.
I saw this years ago in a church we attended. One of the teaching elders (the “main guy,” even though they were supposedly equal in their plurality) was also a well-respected Boy Scout troop leader in the community. That in itself wasn’t a problem. In fact, it should have been a plus for both groups. It didn’t turn out well.
See and hear this from every arena lately… year round travel ball (pick one: baseball, basketball, volleyball, golf, etc), youth choir, youth theater, model UN.
The things that should be there to enhance our lives are demanding to be ensconced at the center of all our lives and be fed and adored with unflinching adoration.
Interesting that this patterning is starting younger and younger. A travel ball pee wee football team for 6 year old kids? What? KinderTheater Groups? Huh?
Every form of entertainment, be it sports or the arts wants to devour us and the younger and more tender, the better.
Idolatry, I thought you were OT only! How did you commandeer the minivan so easily?
The church is charged with encroachment, 5 yard penalty, loss of down.
Church: Pfft, We don’t do “down”.
I can understand where this instructor is coming from. People do not have to send their kids to him. There are plenty of other martial arts studios in the valley.
Having helped coach my son’s baseball team this year, I was shocked at the lack of parental support the kids had. I could understand parents dropping off the kids for practice, but most did the same for games. Seems like it was seen more as babysitting than a chance to encourage your child in something they enjoy doing. You also saw it in the kids that acted just like you would expect someone who feels disposable would act. We had some major discipline problems with some, but as I learned their stories, they were getting attention the only way they knew how, the only way they could at home.
These types seem to exist everywhere! Can’t remember how many times I have heard, “But he is a great teacher”! Being a great teacher is no excuse for abuse. These guys seem to be, as a great leader once said, “Legends in their own minds.” (Clint Eastwood, aka Dirty Harry)
It’s the parents who are stupid. The coach wants to produce a winner and wants to do it his own way – or the way he thinks is best.
Parents, because they live their own worthless lives through their kids – put the kids at risk by putting them in the “top” programs.
Blame the parents – not the coach.
Sometimes when the ‘signs’ exist…it’s better to exit the building ‘before’ the confrontation.
Thereby allowing a relatively quiet & peaceful exit…rather than a haughty one where words & tempers are exchanged on both sides.
Just my two cents.
It all depends. If it’s the family’s greatest desire that their child become some kind of elite Kung-Fu hero, then naturally they would want to follow the teacher’s advice. If they are just sending their child to the classes to teach him a little self-discipline and to have some fun, then move on to a more mellow establishment.
The probability is that the mellow school will never produce many winners at competitions and the child will never become really, really good at the sport.
That’s what the families have to decide: Is this sport going to be the organizing principle around which we live our lives? Or is this just going to be an extracurricular, mostly for fun but with some character-building thrown in to make it worthwhile.
I knew a family whose whole life was organized around one of their five kids who happened to have a talent for figure skating. All family resources (time, money, emotions) were spent on this kid with the hopes he’d get to the Olympics. I can only imagine the resentment the other four kids felt. They were Christians, but figure skating ruled the roost at their place.
When I watch the Olympics, this is what I see, especially the young gymnasts, skaters, etc. I see lives dedicated to something that has no eternal value.
Somehow I think he will retreat when faced with falling clientele. As far as the application to church work well… those of us who are faced with volunteers generally find a mediating path on the requirements to make them reasonable for our people
Of course you are referring to dealing with bullies in the church. They abound. But I always say “Oh well they can’t cook me and eat me.” So far I have been right but none of them have indicated martial arts expertise.
As far as him being a ‘really good teacher,’ he ain’t the only good one. Besides an average teacher of excellent character beats a bully all day.
Wait … aren’t the martial arts suppose to be a deterrent to bullies?
My ‘real’ Taekwondo Master took us out for beer and pizza! No kidding. (We were all a “little” over weight – but with inertia, much damage!)
On another note, I drained my life savings — a good chunk in the ’90’s — to support my “spiritual” Master (just a pastor guy). I also drained all my time for the cause. We were all young college drop-outs. Having kids was discouraged so that we could “serve Jesus”. I wish I would have seen back then what I know now, but that’s not how it goes most of the time. It’s amazing we can follow a charismatic person with lots of energy and good ideas at the expense of not following the Creator. Scary stuff –
Love the dogo analogy – actually, for me, my time at the gym with my unbelieving friends was some of the most fun I had in my ministry experience. Jesus was in action.
Too bad it was required that I switch out of my evolvement at the gym to “serve God” in a church building.
Never again!
“My ārealā Taekwondo Master took us out for beer and pizza! No kidding. (We were all a ālittleā over weight ā but with inertia, much damage!)
On another note, I drained my life savings ā a good chunk in the ā90ā²s ā to support my āspiritualā Master (just a pastor guy). I also drained all my time for the cause. We were all young college drop-outs. Having kids was discouraged so that we could āserve Jesusā. I wish I would have seen back then what I know now, but thatās not how it goes most of the time. Itās amazing we can follow a charismatic person with lots of energy and good ideas at the expense of not following the Creator. Scary stuff ā
Love the dogo analogy ā actually, for me, my time at the gym with my unbelieving friends was some of the most fun I had in my ministry experience. Jesus was in action.
Too bad it was required that I switch out of my evolvement at the gym to āserve Godā in a church building.
Never again!”
Yup! Principal over Personality every time. My money will go to supporting my family and those in need first.
You have been put in the coaches path for a eternal reason.Be the good pastor no matter what he says or does.Maybe he is on his way to becoming one of G-Ds chosen.
Praying for you over this matter.
“Itās the parents who are stupid. The coach wants to produce a winner and wants to do it his own way ā or the way he thinks is best.
Parents, because they live their own worthless lives through their kids ā put the kids at risk by putting them in the ātopā programs.
Blame the parents ā not the coach.”
MLK you should not pull your punches you need to be more direct and just state it plainly. š
It’s all about boundaries, whether sports, church , or friendships. Whatever. I have to go into a situation with my expectations of that situation firmly intact, and I must be as resolved in my expectations as the other party is, whether that be a pastor, coach, friend…
If that person expects more of me that I am willing, or able to give, one of two things will happen. We will either part company or they will adjust their expectations.
These boundaries are vital to healthy relationships, especially for adults who also have families to consider. If i set my priorities properly, and then put the correct boundaries in place, I can have fulfilling relationships with pastors, or coaches, or friends, that are mutally beneficial to those involved.
A wise man once told me, “everyone gets to do what they want to do”. There is much behind that statement, particularly if I was at liberty to say who an what context he was referring.
A man in our church recently left. From my observation he was trying to carve out his own niche in the church. Always trying to correct the pastor, to give his particular slant on every doctrine and passage. I always thought that he would be happier if he found a church with his particular point of view, rather than trying to change the one he was attending. I hope he finds what he is looking for, and now the rest of us can get on with our walk.
It is like teaching Kenpo in a Tae Kwon Do studio. There is much in common on the surface with both styles, but there are also many differences, that will do nothing but confuse the beginning students.