TGIF
I’ve had to make a lot of hard decisions over the last few months and my mantra has been “do the right thing”.
The right thing is often the hardest thing but you do it anyway.
Sometimes, even when you try to do the right thing, things don’t turn out the right way.
I agonized for a couple of years about putting my mom in a memory care facility…it seemed to me that the right thing was to let her pass at home with her equally elderly cat.
Her condition (and mine) deteriorated to where I thought the right thing was to put her in a place where she could get constant care and I could get the care I needed.
She lasted about six weeks…if she couldn’t be home with her cat, life wasn’t worth living and she refused to eat or take her medications…she told us she would rather die and she did.
Her cat Gremlin was ancient…the vet said she had a couple weeks two years ago.
I couldn’t bring her where I lived because I feared the four cats here would hurt her by accident, so I visited her twice a day every day to feed her and try to console her until I figured out a better solution.
The solution was a big dog crate by the catio…I would put blankets and toys in it and her favorite treats and she could live out her days in some comfort with company.
On the way over here in the car last night I kept telling her things were going to be better now…give it a chance and everything will be alright…then I heard myself and realized I’d said the same things to my mom on the way to the memory care facility.
I got here in the crate and started cleaning her up…she had a hard time cleaning herself.
I pulled gently on one some matted fur to cut it off…and her coat came off down to the muscle leaving about four inches completely exposed.
Her skin was so thin and brittle that even a gentle tug was deadly.
I had no choice but to bundle her up and take her to be euthanized.
She passed peacefully in my lap.
My mother is finally, eternally, home with her cat.
I don’t know if I did the right things or not…but Jesus will.
Make your own application…
You did the right thing because you always wanted the best for everyone. God bless you.
Michael,
This side of heaven is tough and when people are old, ill, and fragile even tougher. I think you did what you could. My sister and I had to make some hard calls with my mom the last few weeks of her life, but in hindsight, we kept her comfortable and we did what we could. We’re doing the same with my dad and step-mom now.
Gosh this is tough. I do think you did the right thing for both your mom and her cat.
😢
You absolutely did the right thing for your Mom and Gremlin. You will see them again.
Thanks for the kind words my friends.
These matters are tough to parse…but God is good.
We can get into real tough places if we scrutinize our best efforts with critiques like ‘I could’ve…’ or ‘should’ve.’ A better solution might exist, but wasn’t apparent when the decision had to be made. Don’t tell yourself or let anyone else lecture you on your best effort when the call had to be made. You done good.
You bringing comfort to your mom & her cat are the kindest things you could have done for them.
Michael,
Having recently been through this with mom (Miriam), I feel your pain. Mom was getting to the point where she just wasn’t physically safe here at home any longer. It wasn’t a ‘choice’ to put her in assisted living…it was the only choice. I don’t have flowery words, but I am certain your mom and my mom and Gremlin are sharing some moments together right now.
You did so well by both your mom and Gremlin, but I know the exhaustion is real.
Michael,
Unfortunately, I do not have the words to comfort you. I wish I did. I am sure I could quote a few Scriptures to make you feel better. Yet, we both know it would be nothing more than a momentary placebo. It is your grief and anguish. It is your cross to bear. All I can say is I understand and I thank you for expressing something so burdensome and messy.
I pray that regardless of whether you made the right decision that God will be gracious in the here and now. No one tells you about these things when you come to faith. We are just told to rejoice because our sins are forgiven. Yet, the actual road is long and arduous. I do not envy the decisions that you have had to make. All I know is that like you I am not sure I always made the right decision even when everyone else said I did.
I am not convinced every decision I made was the best one. One day we will find out. Until then I seriously hope God is as gracious as I have been led to believe. To be honest I am kind of banking on it. Until then we can only do what we can with the limited capacities we have.
May the Lord uphold you, brother.
Not sure how I, Shawn, ended up posting as Michael. Weird.
Lynne,
Your mom likes cats now… 🙂
She is sorely missed…
Thank you, Shawn…He is upholding me….