The Silence Of A Lamb
I don’t write much anymore.
Writers write to unburden their souls and to, hopefully, be read and understood.
I’ve always written in the hope that what I wrote was helpful…especially in the cause of giving a voice to the voiceless.
One of my esteemed mentors said that if one had that ability and didn’t use it, that person was sinning.
I used to be able to churn out an article in a matter of minutes…now it takes days, if I even finish something I started.
Most days I’m in unrelenting physical pain that makes focus difficult. I could maybe overcome that, if the emotional and spiritual pain was not as relentless as the physical .
We have always written with Scripture and tradition in mind, along with our personal experiences.
There was a day when that was accepted, if not always agreed with, by our readers.
Most of our readers then were evangelicals and now evangelicals reject me because I still write from my understanding of Scripture, tradition, and experience. This…does not scratch their itch the way it did before politics colored everything.
Perhaps that is the deeper wound: not merely that I write more slowly, but that the people for whom I once wrote no longer seem to want what I have to say. The world has changed. The Church has changed. Or perhaps I have always been unwilling to change my convictions in order to remain welcome.
I do not claim to possess all wisdom. I have been wrong before, and I will be wrong again. But I have tried to take Scripture seriously, to listen to the Church through the centuries, and to speak honestly from the life I have been given. Those things once seemed to matter to many of my readers. Now they often seem to be regarded as evidence that I am out of touch, unhelpful, or worse.
There are days when silence feels easier. It is hard to keep writing when every sentence feels like it must be defended before it can be heard. It is hard to offer one’s heart when one expects it to be dismissed, misrepresented, or condemned.
And yet, I remember that writing was never really about being applauded. It was about telling the truth as faithfully as I could see it, and offering whatever small measure of light I possessed to those who might be walking in darkness. Scripture calls us not to lose heart, even when the outward person is worn down, because God can continue renewing the inner person day by day.
Perhaps I no longer have the strength to write as often, or as quickly, as I once did. Perhaps the audience is smaller. Perhaps some will leave before they have understood what I meant to say. But if there remains even one person who needs to know that they are seen, that their suffering matters, or that faithfulness is still possible in a confused and angry age, then perhaps there is still a reason to write.
Not because I am certain anyone will listen.
But because, in the end, silence may be the greater sin.
God told Habakkuk to write the vision plainly so that those who read it could carry it forward. I do not pretend that my words are prophecy. But I still believe words can bear witness. And as long as I am able, however slowly, perhaps I will keep trying to write them.
Michael,
A good and needed lesson in truth telling… By the way, you are not alone.
Duane,
“By the way, you are not alone”
I’m deeply grateful for that, my friend…
I have been a member of this community for over 10 years….if membership was ever required….but was always present reading each and every word posted by you. I find your insights…your wisdom, your warnings…your concerns…your pain…all expressed in my opinion in a Godly manner….sometimes harsh…sometimes loving…sometimes words that stung…mean to draw that immediate pain of awareness…words that reminded me of what I needed to hear…
….Michael…you have been told before not to go silent but to remain steadfast…if numbers matter….then you will fail at matching the numbers posted by mega celebrity pastors that post nonsense most of the time….fluff….no meat…baby formula…you? There is this deep deep soul release of your challenges in life that you try and express and maybe hope it impacts readers….I am certain…if I am to be one example…you have made a difference….it is a one by one step…we meet one day…Duane…you…me…Kevin…and many more too abundant to name…remember this…it is not how many cats you have rescued…it is how much love you give those cats that you do invite into your life…and the difference you make in their lives….love you Michael…
prodinov,
We are kin…I’m thankful for your years of encouragement when it was needed the most…
This was my safe space during the turmoil of COVID. I truly thought that the world had gone nuts. People in whom I had a lot of confidence were suddenly speaking nonsense through the holes in the colanders on their heads. Others were angry about everything and still are to this day. I could come to Phoenix Preacher for some Scripture and an excellent applicationz We don’t always agree with each other, but civility is expected. I appreciate and love the community I find here. I will also confess that I miss Em. She always had something to make me think or giggle.
Michael,
Life sometimes takes us to places we don’t enjoy. My family went through a 3 year cancer journey with my eldest son that took so much of our energy and focus. He’s better now, but we’re still facing the after effects to his grades and social skills. He’s a fighter though and just entered his senior year of HS.
I will admit that I stopped reading here as the politics got too much– I just didn’t have the energy to defend myself against all the accusations that were made about me (not directly, but because of my ideals/ voting record/ faith/ associations, etc.). I got tired of all the anger, not necessarily from you, Michael, but from certain readers/commenters. I certainly didn’t feel welcomed. I wish I had, then I would have shared about my struggles, but this wasn’t a safe place for me anymore.
I am unashamedly a follower of Jesus, a charismatic evangelical, and a believer in historical Christian morals. I vote as I feel appropriate and I raise my kids to stand for loving truth in a world full of sin-embracing rage. That is who I am. I’m quite willing to talk with those readers/commenters who disagree with my views or even with my faith, but only if the other person is willing to hold a conversation rather than just scream at me. Too often I would look at your posts, read the comments, and then leave. I was already fighting for my son’s health; I didn’t have it in me to fight online too.
I believe in you and what you have to say, Michael. God has used you mightily in my own life, and I sincerely hope I can find ways to engage with you here more often. Time will tell.
God bless,
Eric
Linn,
I miss Em as well.
Occasionally her daughter drops by the site and for that, I’m glad.
You have become a pillar of this community…whether you know it or not.
We are grateful for you.
Eric L,
I’m glad to hear that the worst is over for you and your family…I have to think that all of you are emotionally and physically exhausted.
My reputation was always about telling the unvarnished truth as I saw it.
We still had conversations here…but Trump and Covid changed everything…here and across social media.
Now, people don’t engage…they just disappear or send nasty emails.
I’ve never, ever, had a reason to doubt your personal faith.
You have always acted in integrity in all your dealings with me.
We can have a conversation at any time…we may disagree, but perhaps we can bring some light in the process.
Thank you, Michael. That means a lot. Your attitude is what attracted me to the Phoenix Preacher in the first place. Keep speaking through that keyboard.
I always appreciate your writing, whether or not I agree with everything you say. In fact, the older I get, the more I appreciate friends with whom I disagree on certain things. It really isn’t a conversation or relationship otherwise. And the older I get the more I try to close every sermon or conversation with, “but I might be wrong.” Thanks for the many decades of friendship and fellowship.
Dave,
Thank you for the same…I know it hasn’t always been easy.
I used to say that I could be wrong when I taught…but found that the congregation doesn’t always appreciate my honest…
Thank you, Michael, for this post and topic. I’ve known you for about 20 years now and consider you a friend — your writings help me stay focused and also challenge me in my walk of faith.
Though I don’t comment much, I do check in periodically to read and learn. This community prayed for my son years ago when he was sick and survived a brain tumor. You and the people here hold a special place in my heart and always will.
I’ve stopped going to church about 4 years ago — and realize I need to change that. All I have are my excuses but ultimately I need to be accountable.
Ironically I’ve been reading and journaling Habbakuk since June. I smiled when you referenced it — thank you, Michael.
Much respect to you —
Mary
Mary,
We have been friends for a long time…and you have always been a voice and an encouragement to me.
Habbakuk is good stuff…
I pray you find a church that not just feeds you, but wants you to use the considerable gifts you possess…and you do possess considerable gifts!
Many thanks, Michael, for your prayers and encouragement. 🙂 Yes, Habbakuk is good stuff indeed!
Well said, Dave Rolph.
I am sorry, Michael, that your voice speaks less online. You are one of my favorite readers – of all time. After thousands of books read, and after several masters degrees in theology and a doctorate in education, I consider your writings a real treat. Genuinely. Your voice has helped me, also, traverse the space of the unwelcomed. I usually turn to your blogs when I am in a dark night of the soul. You have helped me see the light in my own personal darkness. I, too, hope that “raw” voices will be welcomed in American Christianity. I hope that the American church will allow safe spaces for more unfiltered and raw questions and discussions. I have hope that it might. We’ll see. Perhaps it is found at a local church no one knows about. Perhaps obscurity is the way forward with this…
In response to your D Rolph response,
I, too, have been met with so much criticism just because I was being honest from the pulpit. Either I got love and support from the new Christian, or I got criticism and lectured by the Christian who has been in the faith for at least a few years. In my experience, new believers didn’t judge me, only the seemingly “mature.” (Quick side note: the truly mature have been just like the new believer in my life – non-judgmental.) In my experience as a lead pastor, transparency from the pulpit only gets two responses. Supernatural breakthrough for some or Pharisaical outrage from others.
Because of fear, I have kept myself from being more transparent. And maybe that’s a sin on my part. Oh, how I long to speak like the Psalmists and their Psalms of lament and anger, and to see a church welcome such honesty. Perhaps it is just me. Right now, I am much more comfortable with new Christians, and on the flip side, I feel a stronger weight to faithfully shepherd them. And as Tyler Staton says, to teach the seeker and new christian in such a way where they don’t have to unlearn most of what I say.
Thank you Michael for your ministry, though your work for the kingdom is not as visible, it is felt by people like me. Thank you.
The Bondsmith,
I’m getting ready to teach tonight and your words have strengthened and moved me.
I think your observation that obscurity might be the way forward…I need to think about that some more, but it’s striking a cord in me.
Your experience with new Christians mirrors my own as do the reactions from them and those who think themselves “mature”…who usually have just grown to a place they are comfortable and want to add nothing more.
Please know that your words are welcome here and your identity will be concealed to the degree you desire.
It’s not vanity that will have me print this comment off…it will be another tool for survival.
Thank you…and may God bless you accordingly.