Things I Think…
1. We are incredibly complex creatures…my thoughts from a weekend dominated for me by the death of Jimmy Swaggart…I am well aware that many of you will think me odd…and you’re absolutely correct…a therapist once told me I am tortured by “inner ambivalence”…
2. Before we start…I do believe Jimmy was biblically disqualified from being a pastor. Truth be told, I know more dirt than you all do because I’ve had connections in his family for almost 40 years and I Swaggart’s issues were not limited to a couple of incidents…it was a lifelong pattern…a pattern that could never be broken because in his clan getting professional help was seen as a denial of the power of the Holy Spirit…
3. Swaggart’s programming and especially…especially…his music, were instrumental in me turning my life over to Christ in an Assembly of God church…the music moved me…jumped over all my walls and got straight to my soul…because I loathe contemporary Christian music, I’d forgotten the power music has…I won’t forget again…
4. I tuned in to all the goings on in Louisiana out of curiosity…I hadn’t spent any time watching in the last couple of decades. Swaggart isn’t real popular in Anglican circles…but when they started playing that music, I lost it emotionally…
5. The last year has been the most stressful of my life. My mom had severe dementia and had to be put in a memory care facility…she went in on June 5th and died in anger on July 20th…if she couldn’t be with her cat, she wasn’t going to be anywhere. I had to move and fortunately my chosen family made a place for me…but I have a hard time settling in. I brought moms cat to be with me and on the same day I brought her here, I had to put her down at the age of 23…there were other tragedies as well, but you get the picture. I tell you all that to say that I never had time or space to grieve…but hearing the opening notes of “Sometimes Alleluia” blew out all my defenses and left me wrecked….and I’m feeling better today for it…
6. So how do I, as one of the pioneers of publicly exposing corruption in the church online, reconcile that with my affection for Swaggart? I don’t…I’ve always been completely honest about his (and Jerry Lee’s) failings. It does make me more sensitive to those who love other fallen pastors…God used these men to change us and we misplace our gratitude…
7. I will say this and be done with this…I know Swaggart, like Chuck Smith…believed what he preached. That made their failings and trauma worse. Because they rejected psychology and psychiatry vehemently they cut off any help those professions may have given them…I accept both and I have the Holy Spirit…and I still can’t keep the old man down…
8. The one thing I learned this weekend that I didn’t know…Swaggart’s biggest fan…was Charles Stanley. Reconcile that…
9. John MacArthur is said to be dying as I write this. There was a time when I respected him and his right hand man, Phil Johnson. I was cleaning out some files from my iCloud account and was surprised at all the Johnson sermons I had. Somewhere along the line they both turned mean…as did James White. I can deal with sexual sin with more grace than I can just simply being mean…anyway, MacArthur was wildly influential as was his college and seminary. I’ll leave it up to God to sort out gold from the dross…but I just found two more of his Bibles I want to get rid of…
10. Thus concludes my online therapy session…amen.
Funny you mention a fondness for Swaggart’s music. Roger Olson wrote on JW’s passing, and also noted being moved by his music, growing up in a Pentecostal church. Old-timey Gospel music does zero for me. I went from The Beatles and The Who to Larry Norman and Randy Stonehill.
Terry,
Any of that Southern Gospel gets me emotional…I revered Dottie Rambo and Vestal Goodman as well.
We are complex and different…my musical tastes were formed in the womb and never changed.
The only CCM I’ve ever enjoyed was by Duane…the rest you can keep.
It was hard growing up in the 70’s when all my friends were into that era’s artists…and I was playing Hank Williams and Jerry Lee…
Online therapy session. Indeed. As long as I’ve been around here, you’ve never hid your complexities. I admire that, and its helped me to be more comfortable in my own skin.
I loved Jimmy’s music and preaching. Dottie Rambo…oh my, yes! Did you ever listen to The Cathedrals?
Just curious how you discovered that Charles Stanley was a Swaggart fan?
Yes, I listened to the Cathedrals…enjoyed them.
As to the Stanley stuff…they ran a program celebrating Swagger’s 90th birthday.
The man who was his assistant and successor was there and told numerous stories of Stanley’s love for Swaggart and his music…it was pretty intense.
The family asked Swaggart to be at Stanleys funeral…cause he would have wanted him there.
I just closed my mouth an hour ago… 🙂
I think we all have people we genuinely respect and admire who have flaws. When we find out, it can either make us love them more or tear them apart. Many years ago I had a spiritual mentor who had not only deserted her husband but was also a recovered (emphasis on recovered) alcoholic. This was in my young adult years when I was always looking for a role model. She finally decided she should give me more of her background. Now, she had done the work to have God change her life, but I still had to decide how I would approach her. That was when I realized what grace was all about.
You never know what Swaggert was feeling in his final moments or what MacArther is feeling now. But,if we truly know Jesus, He will take us to HImself, and all the muck will finally be washed away. When I look at the Christians in my life that I have found “disappointing”, it always brings me back to myself. Who have I disappointed? Is there any way to make it right? What can I learn from. someone else’s example (good or bad)?
I met a man not long ago who is a Master’s Seminary grad. During our conversation, I wondered if he would turn out to be as mean as Johnny Mac. He seemed to have all the markings of that eventual destiny.
Pstr Mike,
I’m so sorry. Our church hired a senior pastor and co-pastor from Masters about 10 years ago. I wasn’t a fan, but they have both turned out to be very good. I guess it’s the luck of the draw.
I’ve been thinking about empathy, sympathy, even pity, and mercy. I don’t know how to find their common connection, but I do know what Jesus said about mercy – that since I DESPERATELY need it, I better have a source to give/share/show it.
Which brings me back to their common connection, that I too often thought of empathy, sympathy, compassion, mercy – and again, even pity – as only of benefit to the other people in my life . . . Until grief came into my life in glass shattering, life shaking volume. Now I’m realizing that Jesus does want empathy, sympathy, compassion and yes, even pity for and from my heart life because it’s how Holy Spirit reassures me of Jesus’ love for me.
I wasn’t fully experiencing Jesus’ love until the salt of my deeply grieving tears seasoned His mercy for me. I experienced Jesus making my heart bigger through terrible grief so that I could know His love is big enough for my grief. I never would have chosen such horrible loss yet would have died without it.
Michael,
https://youtu.be/0VJ1NuAbEBI?si=OxHW2BfupuZ_UsAZ
Thanks, Phil!
Rob,
I think these are themes we need to keep in front of the church.
It’s become acceptable to hate the right people or the right group and I can’t believe that God will allow this to go on much longer.
My one concern is that grief didn’t change us for the better during the pandemic…what more has to happen to remind us that we’re human and will someday face a Judge?
Linn,
I disappoint myself every day.
The Christian life is not easy…
Michael,
I know I often disappoint my students. Sometimes I just need to make a certain choice due to rules or circumstances (you really need to put that activity away because it’s time to go to lunch), but there are other times I know that I can do better. It’s easy to be the “because I said so adult, but sometimes kids (and adults) need a different approach. I’m expecting that I will be learning for the remainder of this life.
They just announced that MacArthur has passed…
Connecting things: I saw Dottie Rambo open for Larry Norman in Columbia, MO in 1979.
Terry,
That’s a odd pairing…but she could handle it.
My bad – it was Reba Rambo. Barely less odd.
I love and appreciate Christian musicians when they are candid, uncensored, real, etc. One reason I can’t stand the starched and unrealistic world of CCM…seems stiff, creatively-stiffled, and uninspiring. And I can relate to when the musicians are honest.
I too disappoint people.
Music is so utterly personal.
I was sitting in the catio last night listening to Swaggart and other old Gospel songs and laughed out loud thinking about my godson if he had to listen to what I was loving.
Those old songs move me and move me hard…they draw me closer to God than I usually get.
I have no problem knowing that others will not experience it the same way…I just want everyone to have something that does it for them.
Michael,
Indeed, music is intensely personal, both to the creator, and to the listener. Much of what I listen to would garner scathing remarks or those “looks” from some/many in the Church, but I like what I like.