It’s not every morning, but it’s most mornings…I wake up with a throbbing headache.
This is because though it’s not every night, it’s most nights that I have those dreams.
Those dreams where you force yourself to wake up and then remind yourself that the people tormenting you in your sleep are long dead and they can no longer torment you except to reach through the years and the dark and get you while you’re trying to rest.
You remind yourself that they are dead and you find relief in that, though you’ve been grinding your teeth for hours and they seemed to be very alive when your eyes were closed.
Those dreams where something awful is happening and you have to call 911, but you can’t find your phone….you awake in a panic and find it , then go back to sleep holding it in case there is another emergency in the night.
It’s not every night, but it’s most nights.
I get up two or three times a night to get a grip on reality and assure myself that as much as it can be, all is well…at least for that moment.
I wake up and try to get out of bed without waking Smokey, who evidently is unaffected by the demons that torment me.
Sometimes I forget that Chloe is asleep in my chair and she loudly reminds me before I am seated. I wonder if she ever has nightmares about some half asleep human crushing her under his backside…though she sleeps soundly as well.
Sleep used to be my escape from the cares of this world, from the threat of fires and viruses and a radicalized world that I find no place in….except to try to keep others from going over the crazy ledge.
What enables my cats to sleep while their servant cannot?
Though they are ignorant of the complexities of life, the world can be a scary place for them too.
It’s simple really…they have faith that they are safe.
They have faith that they are safe, therefore they can rest.
I can’t remember the last time I felt safe…perhaps I never have.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28–29 ESV)
Here I am Lord…I believe, help my unbelief…and I found my phone if we need it…
Make your own application…