It’s not every morning, but it’s most mornings…I wake up with a throbbing headache.
This is because though it’s not every night, it’s most nights that I have those dreams.
Those dreams where you force yourself to wake up and then remind yourself that the people tormenting you in your sleep are long dead and they can no longer torment you except to reach through the years and the dark and get you while you’re trying to rest.
You remind yourself that they are dead and you find relief in that, though you’ve been grinding your teeth for hours and they seemed to be very alive when your eyes were closed.
Those dreams where something awful is happening and you have to call 911, but you can’t find your phone….you awake in a panic and find it , then go back to sleep holding it in case there is another emergency in the night.
It’s not every night, but it’s most nights.
I get up two or three times a night to get a grip on reality and assure myself that as much as it can be, all is well…at least for that moment.
I wake up and try to get out of bed without waking Smokey, who evidently is unaffected by the demons that torment me.
Sometimes I forget that Chloe is asleep in my chair and she loudly reminds me before I am seated. I wonder if she ever has nightmares about some half asleep human crushing her under his backside…though she sleeps soundly as well.
Sleep used to be my escape from the cares of this world, from the threat of fires and viruses and a radicalized world that I find no place in….except to try to keep others from going over the crazy ledge.
What enables my cats to sleep while their servant cannot?
Though they are ignorant of the complexities of life, the world can be a scary place for them too.
It’s simple really…they have faith that they are safe.
They have faith that they are safe, therefore they can rest.
I can’t remember the last time I felt safe…perhaps I never have.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28–29 ESV)
Here I am Lord…I believe, help my unbelief…and I found my phone if we need it…
Make your own application…
So sorry that our warrior for Christ has to go through this. God keep
For some strange reason my dreams these days always involve parking lots ? ? ?
I was listening to a rendition of “Don’t it make you want to go home now?”. The late John Denver and Glen Campbel duetl and realized there was no place on this planet that feels like home
I read your blog, stopped what I was doing, and prayed for you. The Lord be with you, Michael. I will continue to pray for you as the Lord leads me.
Thanks, Donner…I suspect that I’m not the only one having issues these days…
Thanks, Em…these are strange and uncomfortable times…
Feeling this all the way.
I watch our second dog have dreams which I can only conclude are about ripping the squirrel in half that torments her daily. Our dogs love people, and want to play with other dogs. But our dogs are huge. Like massive dogs, both in the grown human weight class. So when little dogs encounter them face to face, the tail tucks and the pee flows freely. But they are lovers, not fighters. The neighborhood has grown to know them affectionately, and they know them by name. They escaped the back yard yesterday, and the neighbors coaxed them back into the yard and resecured the gate. I watch our dogs and cats and wish so badly that my life was as simple as theirs.
I read a book decades ago called “Cat And Dog Theology”. The dog says, “You pet me, you feed me, you love me… you must be god!” The cat says, “You pet me, you feed me, you love me… I Must Be God!!!”
They are all treated the same. They all decide they have their own rights and privileges. The dogs experience more stress trying to get to the humans they want to love to death, while the cats saunter about knowing they are gods, descendants of gods, and they know they rule us, and even the dogs.
I feel like if I had my choice and reincarnation were a reality, I would come back as a dog. They are so damned happy about everything… except the squirrel.
Cats inspire me…no matter the situation they maintain their dignity and they are selective in who they appreciate.
If reincarnation were a reality I was already a cat…
Haha, we all knew that!
The fun thing is, I am much more of a cat person than a dog person, but I know I am a dog at heart.